Page 38 of As a Last Resort
Then, there was the bang phase, again.
“Austin told me you were in town.I almost didn’t believe him, but then I walk in and here you are, Samantha Leigh, in the flesh.”
“The rumors are true.”She looked exactly the same.A pile of messy blond curls sat atop her head and she had the same hazel eyes as her brother, but hers were more brown than green today.Seven years hadn’t done a single thing to dim the aura that surrounded this ball of sunshine.I hadn’t realized how much I missed this woman.
“I was going to grab a quick drink.I have a few before my fitting.”
“Fitting?”I asked.I didn’t want her to know I’d been cyberstalking her and already knew about this monumental change in her life.
She held up her engagement ring.
“Oh my gosh, congratulations!”
“Thanks.It’s next month, which you would have known if you had returned even a single call or text I sent over the last seven years.”
I blinked.My smile wavered.
She cocked her head.“Actually, it was more like three years.Had to give up at some point.Didn’t want to look desperate, you know?”
I didn’t know what to say.But I braced myself for the swift kick I knew was coming and that I deserved.
“You walked away without saying goodbye.”Her voice was clear and strong, like she had rehearsed this a hundred times over.“You didn’t return calls, or texts.The least you could have done was tell me you needed space.Hell, the least you could’ve done was just texted me back saying I was a reminder of everything you were trying to leave behind and you needed time.”
“I know th—”
“I’m not done yet.I would’ve given it to you.Do you get that?I would’ve given you whatever space you needed.I spent years wondering if there was something else I could’ve done.Or said.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Oh, I know, trust me.”A forced laugh made its way out.“I went through years of therapy just to make sure I didn’t.You were the one who was selfish.You set off a bomb when you left and didn’t look back.Just like your mom always does.”
Tears stung my eyes.My mother was the last person on earth I’d ever want to be like, but I was never going to be anything but somebody else after that day.“I just thought it was better if I walked away.”
“You didn’t just walk away from your mom and the accident.You walked away from eighteen years of friendship.You walked away from me.”
The hurt in her eyes crushed my already shredded soul into even tinier molecules.
“You took away the choice for me.That was my decision to make whether I wanted to be there for you or not.And I did.I would have a thousand times over.That’s what best friends do.And you didn’t give me the chance.”
Of course, I didn’t give her a chance.She was a reminder of everything I was leaving.And to put so much energy into keeping that one little string tied when it would end up breaking anyway didn’t seem worth it.
“Are you done?”I asked quietly.“Because if you are, maybe I can finally tell you that I’m sorry.I’m sorry that my mom is a raging addict and I didn’t know how to handle it other than to walk away.That I’m sorry there was wreckage left that I couldn’t face.That I was too scared to face.That I didn’t knowhowto face because I wasstill a kid.Survival mode meant taking care of me.And I’m sorry that I couldn’t handle that more like an adult.”
My hands were shaking.
“For what that’s worth, I wish I could go back and do things differently, but I don’t know if I’d be able to.”
She looked down, nodding her head.
“I never wanted an apology.”She wiped the tears that slowly leaked down her face.“I just wanted my best friend back.”
The floor swayed.So this is what it felt like to have a sinkhole swallow your heart.
“That person is gone.”
The moment hung, the world waiting for a bridge to build, or a stick of dynamite to go off.
“Well,” she said softly, “then can I get to know this one instead?”
