Page 40 of As a Last Resort
I laughed.We used to slip into his room when he was gone and dig around his closet.We would flip a coin to see who would get stuck looking in his underwear drawer, but then we’d giggle so loud, we’d always get busted by their mom.
One time when I was poking around his desk, I swiped a picture of him and his girlfriend posing on the field for homecoming.Hewas in his football uniform, his shaggy hair damp from sweat with dirt streaks smeared across his football pants.They had just been named king and queen, and his crown was crooked on his head.It matched the smile plastered across his face.
“His girlfriend used to be so mean to us.”
Lexi scrunched her face.“Ugh,Vanessa.She was the worst.”
“She was.They were together forever.Whatever happened to her?”
“Long story.She’s not worth the time.”
Every girl at our high school was scared to death of Vanessa Worthington.Probably because, even after she graduated, we were all still doodling Austin’s last name in our notebooks and terrified she’d find out.Austin was the tight end of the football team and happened to be a really nice guy, too.I would head to Lexi’s after school and we’d watchTheLittle Mermaidalmost every day.He said I reminded him of the seagull Scuttle, Ariel’s little sidekick.He called me that one afternoon and it stuck.Now that I’m older and have realized Scuttle is the weird uncle character in the story, I’m not so sure it was a compliment.But back then I melted every time I heard it—he didn’t have a nickname for everyone.
She started clinking her ring against the wooden table.“Just so neither of us stays up wondering about it later, I want you to know that I don’t blame you for leaving.”
I turned the brown paper sleeve on my coffee cup around and around.
“It doesn’t mean it didn’t sting,” she continued, “and that I wasn’t hurt by you falling off the face of the earth.And for the record, I wouldn’t have done it the same way.But I get why you did and I would never, ever be mad about what happened to you or hold any sort of grudge against you because of it.”
The sting of tears hit my eyes and I looked toward the ground, tracing the outline of the black-and-white tiles beneath my feet.I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that from someone.Anyone.But coming from her, it meant the world.
“Thank you.”It was too hard to keep any sort of tie to my life here after graduation.All I saw was pity when people looked at me.All I felt was complete embarrassment.I couldn’t hide from it.The only way to escape it was to literally leave town and give up everything that came with it.Including her.I had almost called her a million times but when it came down to actually doing it, I just didn’t.
“I wish it could’ve been different.”And I meant it with every single cell in my body.“I just wasn’t the same person after that.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“It doesn’t make it untrue.”
She squeezed my hand.“I have to run, but while you’re back, if there’s anything you need, like with your mom or whatever, you can always call me.Here, put your number in.”She handed me her phone.I programmed my number into it and slid it back across the table.
“I haven’t even told her I’m here yet.”
“Are you going to?”
“Eventually.”
“For real, I’m here.So is Austin.”
“Thanks.”And for the first time since I’d set foot back on the island, my heartbeat slowed just a tad.
My feet were lighter on the way back home.Whether it was the sweet feeling of potential reconciliation or the triple espresso, I’d take it.
My phone rang and my face fell.Cue the disaster.It was time to face the music.
“Hey, Mom.”I weaved my way down Main Street back to the cottages.
“What city are you in?I saw Josie and she was acting all weird and asked if I had seen youyet.What doesyetmean?Where are you?What’s going on?”
She was getting more animated and hyper the more she talked.I knew my secret wouldn’t be kept for long but I was hoping to get a few more days under my belt before it all came crashing down.
“I just got to the island.I had some crazy work deadlines right away and was going to pop over tonight to say hi and surprise you,” I lied.
“Well, I’m not on the island right now.I wish you would have told me sooner.I could have planned around you being here.But I’ve already cleaned your room for you.You have fresh sheets.There’s a key under the mat.It would have been nice to get alittlemore notice—”
“Mom, I’m not staying at the house.I have too much to do for work and it’s easier to concentrate at the hotel.”The line went silent.“I have lots of calls also.All day.I didn’t want to intrude on your schedule and my boss is pretty particular about distractions on calls.The company’s paying for it too.I just thought it’d be easier.”
“Easier for whom, dear?”
