Page 59 of As a Last Resort
“Yeah, I got to see him at his house last night.When I picked you up.”
She stilled, but for just a second.“Really?Huh.He was always such a fan of yours.He asked how you were doing.Asked if you liked New York.He always follows his favorites.”
“So which part do we want to dive into first?The fact that you’re sleeping with my old principal or the fact that you passed out on his couch at midnight from mixing too many substances?”
She turned around abruptly.“The first is none of your business, young lady.And the second, I didn’t feel well.I’ve been having a stomach thing the last few days and it must have taken me out last night.”
“You were not sick.You were passed out drunk.Or high.Or both.”
“That’s absolutely not true.”She puttered around the kitchen wiping the clean countertop off again and again, avoiding eye contact.
“I had to call Austin to help me carry you since I can’t actually transport your dead weight by myself.”
Anger flared in her eyes.“Austin carried me?”She looked absolutely horrified.
“And tucked you into bed, safe and sound,” I sang as I brought the latte against my mouth.
“Samantha Leigh, how dare you bring a grown man into the house to see me in that state?”
“You mean your stomach bug state?I didn’t have a choice, Mom.A random guy calls me fromyourphone, tells me you passed out on the couch and he can’t wake you up.I don’t recognize his first name, don’t know the address, but I know I can’t actually carry you by myself.What other option did I have exactly?”
“How long did he stay?”
“He spent the night.Just in case, oh I don’t know, you stopped breathing in the middle of the night again, and I needed someone to help me get you to the ER.”
“You’re blowing this a bit out of proportion.”
“Am I?You were completely unresponsive.We probably should have taken you straight to the hospital to have your stomach pumped.”
Having sensed my anxiety building, she deployed her first tactic.She’d try her best to swing the pendulum the other way.She came over and placed one hand gently on my shoulder as she slowly stroked a piece of hair behind my ear with the other.I hated how my body responded to that small display of maternal affection.Regardless of what she put me through, what she continued to put herself through, when she fell back into the mother role I felt myself curl underneath her, desperately wanting her attention, approval, love—whatever you want to call it.
“I haven’t been feeling very well.”She slowly stroked my back.“And I shouldn’t have mixed my medicine with wine last night.It was my fault.I’m sorry you had to deal with that.I really am.No more drinking on medicine.I promise.”
“How about no more drinking, period?”I countered, which she ignored as she went back to wiping her clean counters.
She smiled to herself after a minute.“Mr.Johnson’s pretty cute, isn’t he?”
“I’m serious, Mom.I think it’s time we had a real conversation about this again.”
“Samantha, I don’t need you meddling around in my personal life for the few weeks you’ve decided to grace me with your presence.”
She knew every button to push that would send me over the edge.I saw it coming and wasn’t going to lose the war on this one.
“And you refuse to even stay here, in your own home, when youdocome,” she continued.“You’d rather pay money out of your own pocket to stay at a motel.It’s ludicrous.”
“The company pays for it, Mom, and I need a place towork,” I answered.“Should we address the Zoom call that you decided to crash in a bathing suit that has the real possibility of getting me fired?”
“Oh please, those tight pants needed a little levity.They should be sending me a thank-you note for the show.It was probably the most exhilarating part of their day.”
I had learned over the years if I poked at the small details, she’d almost always justify her actions like she was doing a favor for thegeneral public.I took a breath.This was much bigger than my job.Or the latest teacher she was dating.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around more,” I said, treading carefully.“But I would hope that you of all people would understand my severe hesitation in coming back considering what happened graduation week.”
She turned, looked straight at me, and threw her dish towel on the counter.“We are not getting into this again.”
“You never even apologized.”My voice came out even and controlled, the exact opposite of how I actually felt.
“It was an accident.Don’t be so dramatic.”
