Page 76 of As a Last Resort
25
SAMANTHA
Seven years later, I can still tell how far away someone is by the squeak their shoes make across the linoleum floor.
Seven years later, and my heart still pounds when the machines beep faster.
Seven years later, and the hospital still smells exactly the same.
Seven years later, but this time I was waiting to see if she was going to make it through instead of her praying that I would.
The waiting was always the hardest part.The clock on the wall ticked louder.The crinkle of the cough drop wrapper from the receptionist sounded like she was duct-taping it to the inner wall of my ear.Every time a page turned from the 2004 magazine someone was pretending to read, it felt like a jagged saw against the side of my neck.
And her heartbeat could stop at any second.
Any second.
“I’m serious.You really don’t have to stay.”It was the fourth time I’d told him.The plastic of the waiting room chair kept sticking to my thigh.Austin had driven us to the hospital straight from the beach.For once I was having a really nice time until Lexi texted me that Mom had been admitted to the hospital.She didn’t have many details, but said I needed to head there as soon as I could.
“Patrick’s got the boat.I’m good.”
“You forget this isn’t new to me.”I gave him my best fake smile but I don’t think he bought it.“I’m fine.Really.”
My phone dinged.
ROBBY:AIRBORNE IN 5!
DID YOU BUY A MOSQUITO NET FOR OUR BED YET?
Fabulous.Another headache to layer onto the mounting disaster the day was quickly turning into.I really wasn’t in the mood for exclamation points.
Austin stood up slowly but didn’t turn to go.“She’s been doing really well lately.Don’t be too hard on her.”
“Remind me again of your definition ofwell,” I snapped, wondering if he’d already forgotten that he carried her limp body to her bed the other night.
“We all make mistakes sometimes.”
“Like mother, like daughter, right?”The irony hit me—hungover and sitting outside my alcoholic mother’s hospital room.
Austin’s jaw tightened.“You are nothing like your mother.”
“Because you know me so well, right?You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
He took a breath, steadying himself.“I’m just trying to help.”
“And like I said before, I don’t need your help.”
He recoiled a bit, then nodded, backing away.“Understood.Call me if you change your mind.”
The familiar scenario was playing itself out.My mother brought out this anger in me every time this happened.She’sthe one who deserved the arrows, but somehow, someone else took the brunt of it.
I sighed and tried to soften my tone.
“It’s going to be a long time.Really.”I ran a hand through my hair.“I’m just not used to allthisagain.I’m going to stay until she sleeps it off and take her home.I’ll be fine.And nice.I promise.”
He nodded but hesitated for a second.Part of me wanted him to stay so I wouldn’t face this alone, but a bigger part of me didn’t want a single witness for what was to come.
He finally gave me a small smile with a hint of pity, just like everyone else always gave, then walked out.
