Page 87 of As a Last Resort
“Okay.That’s cool.I guess it’s a good thing because it’s not like she’d move back.Ever.”Her eyes stayed glued on me, watching every micro expression I made.“I mean, even if you guys did hit it off really well, there’s more to it than that.She’s got her job, that whole thing with her mom—”
“I know she’s not moving back.”
She tilted her head, and softened her voice.“I just don’t want to see you hurt.”
“Lexi, please.I’m good.We’re just hanging.”And we kissed.Twice.And now my entire life has been turned upside down.
“Okay, okay.If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”Completely.
“Good, because she’s coming to dinner tomorrow night.”
Shit.“At Mom and Dad’s?Why?”
“I invited her.Before I knew you were in love with her.”
“You’re so dramatic.”
“You’re going to get your heart broken.”
There was something churning in my chest, but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was.She’d met my parents a million times.Practically grew up at our house.But the thought of her setting foot in my parents’ house again catapulted my stomach into my neck.I knew how perfectly she’d fit in at the dinner table.How she’d help my mom in the kitchen.Laugh at my dad’s cheesy jokes.
But Lexi was right.She’d never be permanent.Her life was in New York and I couldn’t offer her a single thing here.I was content with metal bleachers at high school football games and the simplicity of small-town life.The pace fueled me just fine while it left her wanting more.She needed the excitement of the city, the constant buzzing energy and electricity.
She’d never be happy here even if by some random chance she did stay.Which she wouldn’t.And the sooner I accepted that fact, the better.
I had already been down this path with Vanessa.She never saw herself staying here, but she did anyway.For me.And I could see the same scenario play out in my mind with Sam.
She’d fall into the rhythm of the island again and the shiny things she saw in a new light would eventually dull.She’d say she was fine, but she wouldn’t be and she’d slowly start to blame me without even realizing it.She’d come home one night and barely respond to me when I’d touch her.She’d think I wouldn’t notice, but I would.She’d start flipping her phone over when we werehome.Then she’d stop leaving it around altogether.Then one day I’d come home when I wasn’t supposed to and find her there with someone else and it’d be my fault.Because I was stifling her.Because I trusted too much.
Because I needed so little, but it was everything.
I needed to get out of the bar.Too many people.Not enough air.
Becky dropped three cold beers in front of us and nodded toward our table.“No Country Barbie doll tonight?”
Lexi raised her eyebrows at me.
“Not a word.”I turned back to the table, trying to shake off the familiar feeling of wanting to chase something that was already gone.
Later that night, I stared up at the ceiling in my room for hours until the front door opened and closed.I eyed my doorknob.She hadn’t texted.It was better that way anyway.I had shut the door when I climbed into bed earlier.I didn’t need to fuel whatever this was.A cracked door was an open invitation, right?I didn’t need to voluntarily step into a shredding machine for my heart.The second I felt her lips on mine again, I wouldn’t be able to stop and it would only make things worse.
But, hell if I didn’t stare at that doorknob with all my might, willing it to open on its own.
27
SAMANTHA
My eyes burned.Not only did I stay up way too late last night going over details for our staff call this morning with Robby, I also stared at Austin’s bedroom door for over an hour when I got back to his place.Which was closed.
That was a sign, right?To stay away?
I could have knocked.Or texted him.But I was later than I thought I’d be and knew he had a full run in the morning on the ferry so I talked myself out of it.And Austin was already gone when I left this morning.No note.No text.And what good was it going to do anyway?I had a little over a week left here and there was no point in starting something that wouldn’t go anywhere.
Even if he was an amazing kisser.A curling toes, stomach dropping, fingers raked through hair, goose bumps out of the blue—
“Earth to Samantha.”Robby’s voice cut through the constant replay of Austin’s hand wrapping around the back of my neck.
