Page 68 of The Lost Lord
“Richard. I’m not leaving,” she argued.
Ever since the news of theThetishad come in, he’d been utterly impossible. Even when they had first met, Miriam had never seen the frantic hollowness that burned in his brown eyes like hellfire.
“Yes, you are,” he insisted. “You must get on that ship and go back to your father, where you can be safe. I shall follow you in a few weeks. Once I return to New York, I will request an annulment.” Richard cupped her face and drank in the sight of her. Her gray eyes were still wide, but wiser now. He had taken her innocence, if not in body then in spirit. He had crumpled the fresh bloom of her first love. He would never be free of his guilt, but he could stay in London until he repaid Howard and Livingston for the lost investment. There could be no recompense for Miriam. What she’d lost by loving him was intangible.
He’d lost her trust.
“I don’t want our marriage to be annulled,” Miriam sucked in a breath of salty marine air. “I don’t wish to die either, but I would rather live full life with you than live a bit longer letting fear of my asthma rule over me. I’m staying.”
Richard groaned. “Miri, no; I love you too much to risk your life. I am not worth your health.”
“We’ll make a new life. Together,” she pleaded. Miriam’s heart twisted so tight it physically ached within her chest. Her fingers scrabbled against his shirtsleeves as though she could keep him by sheer force. “Somewhere warm by the seaside. I can get by without a greenhouse in the city. I cannot get by without you.”
He pulled Miriam into his arms and brushed a kiss against her dark curls. “I have to stay here and fix this. You need to go with Mrs. Kent.”
“You’ve lost your mind.”
“I have never been clearer in my thinking than I am at this moment,” Richard scowled. “Get on that ship.”
“I can’t. I made a promise. It hasn’t been the easiest journey, but I would follow you on any adventure, my love.” Miriam spoke quickly. “I would marry you again. In any country. I would follow you to the ends of the earth.”
“Miri,” he gasped against her cheek. “No. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. I betrayed you.”
“Listen to me, dear heart,” Miriam demanded, pulling back a few inches. “Don’t make me get on that boat. The one thing I can’t forgive you is if you send me away now when you most need me.”
Richard swallowed. “Miri, why would you want stay?”
“Because I love you,” she replied simply. “Not because of your new title. I don’t care whether anyone calls me ‘lady.’ You told me who and what you were from the beginning, but you only told me half the story, Richard. You failed to tell me about your persistence. About your commitment to people you care about. It isn’t your fault I refused to listen when you only told me about the bad. You never told me about the good aspects of you.”
“I am so glad you didn’t listen,” Richard chuckled sadly. He raised her hands and kissed the backs of her knuckles. “Every single moment I have spent with you, Miri, has been the happiest time of my life. I cannot fathom a life without you.”
“Then, don’t make me go,” she pleaded.
He must. Whatever it took, he had to make Miriam get on that boat. Not the next, for Richard’s will had stretched to the breaking point. One more night near her and he was bound to lose control. If he had to do it again, one last time, to save her…
“I can’t let you stay because I cannot protect you. Not in the way you need me to,” he whispered.
“What way is that?” Miriam asked. A hint of wariness narrowed her pupils.
“Wholly. There will always be a selfish part of me that yearns for recognition from my peers. I cannot promise you that I will put your first, and your health demands nothing less.” Richard spoke low against her hair.
Miriam drew a shuddering sigh. She wanted to scream, she was so tired of people using her health as an excuse to ignore her wishes and desires. A flurry of activity brought Mrs. Kent a few feet closer, anxiously trying to herd her charge onto the ship without intruding in the moment. But try as she might, she could not convince him to relent.
“Then, it appears my adventure has come to an end,” Miriam said brokenly.
“I wish you many more.” Richard squeezed her fingers and kissed her cheek. Miriam turned away and let Mrs. Kent lead her up the gangplank. When she returned, glanced back, he was gone. Miriam’s chest turned hot and tight with repressed sadness. As her ship drifted out away from the harbor she remained at the railing. She watched the sun play over the water until it sank below the churning surface and night fell around hard around his shoulders. Miriam wondered if she would ever meet her husband again.
Chapter 30
The birth started hard, fast, and early. Richard awoke to his sister-in-law’s agonized cries before the gray of dawn had lightened the sky enough to see. He trotted down the stairway in bare feet to find his brother in shirtsleeves and trousers, instructing the footman where to locate the doctor.
“Find him. Rouse him. Get the man here before my wife gives birth. Bring a midwife, as well.”
Once, Richard might have questioned the need for both a midwife and a doctor to oversee a birth. But seeing the panic in his brother movements and wild dishevelment pushed Richard into high alert.
“What is happening?”
“The baby is coming. Or babies. It’s early.” Edward spoke in clipped tones as he urged the sleepy footman to hurry.
