Page 33 of Secrets of a Duke's Heart
Jude triedto calm the raging Lucarran during the ride back to Prescott’s estate, to no avail. The old codger railed against faithless women in general and Harriet in particular. By the time the tired horses dragged the coach up the sloping drive, he had given up hope of trying to soothe the jilted groom and sagged against the squabs with his eyes closed, contemplating his more immediate problem.
How would he make things right with Clarissa?
She was waiting for them when they strode in, her eyes brimming with reproach. She hung back while Prescott conferred with Lucarran and ushered him into his study for a fortifying drink.
He found her waiting for him on the stairway landing. She was sitting on the steps, reading. Calm. Jude sat beside her.
“Did they get away?”
“Yes. With a little help from yours truly.” He smiled at the memory.
“I was afraid of what you’d do, after the way you tore out of here.” Carefully she placed her bookmark between the pages and closed her book. “I wish them every happiness.”
“Do you think it will work out for them?”
“I suppose they have as good a chance as anyone does. It is a gamble, isn’t it? Marriage.”
Disquiet filled his belly. “Is that a segue into asking whether I still want to marry you, Clarissa?”
“No.” She rose fluidly. Posed with her hand on the railing, she regarded him with somber seriousness. “I see now why you concealed your identity from me. People do treat you differently once they know you’re a wealthy and powerful peer of the realm. It changed how I see you.”
She hugged her book to her breast with one arm and broke eye contact, looking everywhere except at him as she delivered the coup de grace.
“When you were ordinary Mr. Montague, I enjoyed spending time with you. But now that I know what marriage to you would entail, I cannot forgive you for failing to tell me sooner. I let myself fall for you, hoping that I had finally met a man who appreciated me for the pleasure of my company. After seeing your reaction to Harriet’s choice of husband, I know now that I was an unsuspecting fool.”
He caught her hand to prevent her from sweeping past him up the stairs. “How so?”
“For you, marriage is transactional. Affection is a luxury. I cannot live that way, Jude. I told myself that if you let her go, it would mean that you had changed. Instead, you ran after her, determined to impose your will. Even if you did the right thing at the last minute, how do I know that you wouldn’t attempt to assert your will over me? Even if you were granted permission to marry a woman so far beneath your station, I would be stupid to consign myself to a lifetime of unhappiness.”
Heavy silence filled the room.
“I do respect you. Your intelligence. Your warm heart. You aren’t a rash young girl.”Tell her you love her, you fool.But the words would not come out. He was too devastated by her rejection to risk his heart now. He would keep this secret to his grave.
“Neither is Harriet.”
“I thought of her as a daughter. I don’t think of you the same way at all.”
She scoffed. “I should hope not.”
“Promise me that if there is a child you will reconsider.”
“In that case, I shall have no choice but to inform you. I do not believe in keeping children from knowing their own fathers.”
Relief coursed down him.
“One last kiss,” he pleaded. “To say goodbye.”
After a beat of hesitation, she nodded.
Gently, he cupped her face. Stroked her soft skin. Inhaled her scent before bending to taste her lips one last time. He could attempt to argue, but that would only make his stubborn Miss Penfirth dig in her heels more. He had an opening. He would pray with all his heart that his seed had taken root and she would be compelled to join him at the altar. For him, nothing had changed.
Either she would be his wife, or no one.
He poured all the emotions he couldn’t express into their kiss. He tasted her longing. Her regret. When they finally broke for breath, her resolve lingered on his tongue.
“Write to me,” he said, his voice rough with regret.
“I will.” She squeezed his fingers and let go.
