Page 91 of Something Like Summer
“I’ll tell them if youwant,” Tim grumped. “Am I supposed to call them right now, or canwe relax?”
Ben wanted to retort withsomething smart, or ask why all of his paintings were hidden awayin the garage, but he didn’t want to ruin the afternoon. Instead heoffered to make something to eat, the cooking time buying him somesolitude to think before he served the meal. Ben debated whether ornot it mattered that Tim’s parents didn’t know. Now that Tim was nolonger dependent on them, they had no say in his life. Ben couldimagine that they weren’t close to their son. Still, it hurt himthat the one secret that had ruined their relationship the firsttime was still being kept. If Tim wanted Ben to be a part of hislife, that would have to change.
* * * * *
When Ben thought ofdefending his thesis, he usually imagined a trial—judges sittinghigh above him in a cold and stony courtroom, scrutinizing hisevery word and demanding answers to questions he had never thoughtof. As he discovered Monday morning, the process was much morerelaxed than that. He faced one of his professors and two otherfaculty members who were politely bored throughout hispresentation. They asked a few token questions before informing himthat he had passed. Ben was glad a graduation ceremony was still tocome—otherwise his academic career would have ended with a yawnrather than a bang.
Ben had planned to meet Timin the cafeteria for lunch, but had finished earlier than expected.He had a good idea where Tim’s current class was and decided tomeet him there instead. The halls began to fill with other studentsas he reached the right area. Finally he spotted Tim. He raised ahand and was about to call out when he saw who Tim was talkingto.
The other person hadhighlighted, primped hair and clothes that were a bit too flashyfor someone not on stage. And yet, there Aaron was, chattingcasually with Tim, school books in hand. Ben practically gave abattle cry as he ran toward them. Aaron was turning away by thetime he reached them, but Ben grabbed him by the shoulder and spunhim around.
“You go to school here?”Ben snarled.
“What the hell?” Aaronsaid irritably, but then his face registered recognition. “Oh god!Leave me alone!”
He tried to pull away, butBen grabbed him with his other hand and tightened hisgrip.
“I thought you were fromout of town. You’re a student here, aren’t you?”
“Ask Tim!” Aaron squealed.“Leave me out your little love triangle.”
Ben let him go, havingheard enough. He barely spared Tim a glance as he turned to leave,but now it was his turn to be restrained.
“Benjamin, wait,” Timsaid. “Let me explain.”
“You lied! And I wasstupid enough to believe you. And now Jace--” He choked on thename, tears welling up. He wasn’t the only one. Tim was clenchinghis jaw, fighting back tears of his own, but a few had alreadyescaped.
“I would do anything to bewith you,” Tim said, voice strained. “Yeah, I lied, but I don’tregret it. If that’s what it took to get you back, then it wasworth it.”
Ben barely heard his words.He kept thinking of the pain he had put Jace through, and how muchworse it would be when Jace learned that he had been withTim.
Tim tried pulling him inclose, but Ben put all his strength into pushing away. He ran tothe parking lot, Tim trailing behind and saying anything he couldto get him to stay. His words fell on deaf ears until Ben wasunlocking his car door.
“You wanted to believe thelie.”
Ben dropped hiskeys.
“You wanted an excuse tocome running to me. You wanted your relationship with Jace to fallapart just as much as I did.”
Ben turned and leanedagainst his car for support; Tim reached out and caught him by bothshoulders. He was right. If Ben was completely honest with himself,he knew Jace would never cheat. Especially with someone assuperficial and tasteless as Aaron. Ben had shut away any rationalthought when fighting with Jace. He did it to be free. Free to loveTim again. But why? Jace was everything he had always wanted. Whythrow that away for a little excitement?
“What is it with us?” Benasked. “Our lives are always so fucked up when we’re together. Isthat what makes us attracted to each other? It’s like those studieswhere a woman meets a man on a swinging bridge over a crevice andfinds him extremely attractive, but when she sees him in a safeenvironment she barely gives him a second glance. We like eachother now, but what happens when the danger dies down, when ourlove is no longer forbidden or a secret? What’s left between usthen?”
“A lot,” Tim said. “Ipromise.”
“How can I even trust youanymore? You lie about coming out, you hide your paintings. Isthere anything real about you? Do I even know you?”
“Don’t say that,” Timpleaded. “You know me. You might be the only one, but you knowme.”
“Well, maybe I don’t wantto anymore.”
Tim let go of him. Benslipped into his car and roared out of the parking lot.
* * * * *
He was done. Done withlove, done with drama, done beating himself up for his ownmistakes. He threw away the cell phone and the keys to Jace’sapartment. He would rather let Jace think he still believed he hadbeen unfaithful than for him to know that the opposite was true.Allison, his forever friend, agreed to screen his calls. Tim calledevery day, and soon so did Jace with graduation looming.
He made sure to be awayfrom home as much as possible, which was wise, because he oncefound a note from Tim taped to his window and a rose from Jace onhis doorstep. Ben decided to go to Houston for the summer andfigure out what to do with the rest of his life fromthere.
