Page 97 of Something Like Summer
“I’m moving in,” Ben said.“Tim asked me to. You are leaving and never coming back. All ofyou,” he said loud enough to be heard.
Nobody moved.
“I called thecops.”
People began tostir.
“And they are bringingdrug dogs.”
That did it. The partygoers fled, and within minutes, everyone was gone except Ryan, whowas beginning to tremble with anger again.
“I’ll kill myself,” hesaid. “I swear to God I will.”
Ben opened his mouth toretort, but it was Tim who spoke.
“No, you won’t, Ryan. Iknow you won’t, because you’re too much of a coward. You’ve beenrunning away since the day I met you, away from your family’sdisapproval, away from the one person who loves you, but most ofall you’ve been trying to escape from yourself. I was once thatcowardly, and you still are.”
“I overdosed!” Ryanreminded him.
“And I was there holdingyour hand in the hospital as they pumped your stomach. When I toldyou that you almost died, you cried. I thought there was still hopefor you then, but I’ve seen you almost overdose every night since.I don’t know how to fix you, Ryan, I wish I did, but it’s not goingto be my money that helps destroy you. Not anymore.”
Ryan tried to arguefurther, but Tim wouldn’t have it. Ben stepped back and let himdeal with everything as Ryan unwillingly packed his bags. Timcalled a taxi to take him home, and Ryan began to beg, but Timstood strong. Only after the taxi turned down the street did Tim’sshoulders slump.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” Tim answered,throwing his full weight into a hug that almost knocked Ben off hisfeet. “You always know how to make things right,” he murmured intoBen’s neck. “I’m a mess without you.”
“I’m awesome, I know,” Bensaid, detangling himself. “I’m also in trouble. Jace is going togive me hell when he finds out I kissed you, no matter what thereason. Youaregoing to make all my suffering worth it by never seeing Ryanagain, aren’t you?”
Tim nodded. “Since you’regoing to be in trouble anyway--”
He stepped close, but Benpushed him away and they both began laughing. Face lit up with asmile, Tim looked more like his old self again.
* * * * *
What should have followed,Ben felt, was a long-lasting relationship that finally allowed themto be friends. This utopia did exist for a brief moment. They saweach other regularly, Jace often joining them, and things weresimple. But then the feelings between them began to stir. They bothfelt it. Sometimes their gazes locked for too long; other timesthey found excuses to be closer to each other than necessary. Hugsbecame too intimate, Ben breathing in his scent or Tim rubbing hisnose lovingly against his neck.
The decision was hard tomake, but it had to be done. Ben showed up at his door in themiddle of the night. Tim was sitting on the front steps, as if hehad been expecting him.
“You’re either here to dosomething that you really shouldn’t,” Tim said, “or you came to saygood-bye.”
“I’m sorry,” Ben said. “Iwish we could just be friends.”
“No, you don’t.” Timsmiled sadly. “That’s the problem, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Ben wanted toreach out to him, to hug him at least, but he didn’t even trusthimself to do that anymore.
Tim took a deep breath.“You think we would have made it? Say we never had the cops chasingus that night, that we kept on going. Do you think we’d still betogether today?”
Ben thought about it, butit was hard to imagine his life without Jace anymore and impossibleto transpose Tim into all the memories he and Jace had madetogether. But for a moment, he could picture more nights ofsneaking into Tim’s bedroom, the relief they would have felt whenthey moved away to college, and how those liberal years would havefinally allowed them to be everything that he had once dreamtof.
Ben swallowed. “I have togo.”
“I don’t know what I’ll dowithout you, Benjamin. I don’t have anything left.”
“You do too.”
“Did I tell you that Icame out to my parents?”
