Page 119 of Something Like Forever
He couldn’t finish thesentence. He started crying, which he hated, because one of themhad to be strong, and he knew Tim would make that burden his own.He brushed away the tears, not that it stopped more fromfalling.
“I won’tlet you down,” Tim said, pulling Ben’s hands away to look him inthe eye. “I’ve got this. You’ll see.”
“Okay,”he said, trying his hardest to be brave. “We’ll face it together,right?”
“That’sright,” Tim said, hugging him and murmuring his next words like apromise. “You and me. Always.”
ChapterEighteen
“We’regoing to be late.” Ben stood at the front door, car keys in hand.He felt as though someone had opened him up, coated his insideswith anxiety, and sealed him up again. Today would hopefully changethat, since they were about to start actively fighting against thecancer. When he didn’t hear a response, he went to investigate. Hefound Tim sitting on the couch, shoes dangling from the tips of hisfingers. “What’s the hold up?”
“I’m notready yet,” Tim said, not moving to resolve that.
“It’syour first chemo appointment!”
“So?” Tim shotback.
Ben made sure his responsewas patient. “You don’t want to be late.”
“Who cares if I am? Whatare they going to do, give me detention?”
Ben walked over and satnext to him. “Are you afraid?”
“Kind of,” Tim admitted.“I just can’t help wondering if this is as good as itgets.”
“What do youmean?”
Tim shrugged glumly. “Likemaybe it’s all downhill from here. I start the chemo, feel likecrap, have surgery, and then…” Die. He wouldn’t say it.
Nor did he need to. Benhad imagined the same scenario. “Or maybe you’ll kick this thing inthe ass and life will be even better.”
Tim looked at him, silvereyes vulnerable. “But if it’s not?”
Ben took a deep breath andexhaled. “I’m not sure. You still need to go today.”
“I know.”
“We can call and tell themwe’ll be there an hour later.”
Tim perked up, lookinghopeful. “Or two.”
Ben laughed. “What wouldwe do?” He had already prepared a huge breakfast of scrambled eggsand pancakes, and for once, everything had turned outperfectly.
“I don’t know,” Timadmitted.
“Well, pretend there’s ameteor hurtling toward Earth and we only have an hourleft.”
They stared at each other.Then they started kissing and tearing at each other’s clothes. Benhad a knee to either side of Tim’s hips, facing him while theypressed their lips together, but he pulled back and slowed oncetheir shirts were off. Tim had always seemed so healthy, the tanskin vibrant, the dark hair silky. Tim had grown it out a couple ofyears back, just for him, to a length similar to when they wereteenagers. His body had always been a constant reminder that Benshould take better care of his own. Of all the struggles Tim hadgone through, emotional and philosophical, the physical had neverbeen a problem. Ben caressed the muscles lovingly, recognizing thatthey might fade along with everything else before this battle wasover, but he didn’t care. He simply didn’t want to see his husbandsuffer. When it came to the love he felt… Ben couldn’t imagine thatever stopping, no matter how withered Tim might become. For now, hewas determined to enjoy his body while he still could, because Timwas right. Maybe this would be their last chance to doso.
Ben kissed his neck andmoved down to his pecs, licking the nipples even though Tim alwaysended up laughing and jerking away. Ben smiled up at him when hedid, intending to go south, when reality interjected itself intohis fantasies. Sometimes he hated being an adult.
“Theappointment,” Ben said. “Let me call real quick.”
“Goright ahead,” Tim said, but when Ben tried to move away, his hipswere held firm. “Stay here.”
“Okay.”Ben rose only to get at the phone in his pocket. He remained inthis position when finding the right number, and when he pressedthe phone to his ear… “Hey!”
“You worry about thecall,” Tim said, tugging on the zipper of Ben’s jeans, “and I’llworry about this.”
