Page 143 of Something Like Forever
“They’re both such gorgeous paintings,” Bensaid, walking toward him. “No,you’regorgeous!”
Tim didn’t wake up. Hedidn’t even stir. Ben felt a jolt of panic. Then he stopped,watched for that strong chest to rise and fall, or for the oldgnarled fingers to twitch in a dream. Tim was perfectlystill.
Ben wasn’t completelysurprised. At their age, they had both imagined countless scenariosof how death might come. This was one of the better ones. Peaceful.His heart still ached as he went to the couch and got down on hisknees to kiss those lips one final time. When his tears landed onTim’s cheeks, they looked like they could have belonged to himinstead.
“Don’tcry,” Ben said. “I never wanted you to keep your promise. Notreally, because I didn’t want you to know how this feels. I’ve beenthrough it before. I can handle it again. It’s okay, Tim. You didgood.”
Ben pressed theirforeheads together and wept. He kissed Tim’s cheek, then sat nextto him and held his hand. He knew he needed to let Tim go, but itwas hard knowing that they would never touch again. After allowinghimself enough time, Ben sang one last song to his husband. Then heforced himself to pull away, because one way or another, Tim was nolonger there. Ben rose on unsteady legs and turned to the twopaintings that depicted an impossible dream full of endlesshappiness, laughter, and love. More than any one man could wishfor.
* * * * *
“We’re just two oldwidows,” Allison said. “Aren’t we?”
“Yeah,”Ben said, nose stuffed up from crying so much. His throat hurt, hiseyes were sore, and most of all, he was tired. The funeral had gonewell enough. Tim had long ago bought a plot next to Eric’s. He hadoffered to do the same for Ben, but that’s not what he wanted.Cemeteries weren’t places that Ben cared to visit, and he didn’twant anyone else to feel obligated to do so. He’d rather becremated, and while he didn’t care what happened to him after that,a delicate inquiry had revealed that Jason wanted to keep hisashes.
Ben swallowed. Sayinggoodbye to Tim had been hard enough, but seeing how inconsolableJason had been, holding him during the funeral and trying to shieldhim from the pain… Ben’s arms simply weren’t big enough to do whatwas supposed to be Tim’s job. William was there for them both. Twomore people in need of rescue. He was a good man. Right now Williamwas upstairs in the guest room with Jason and had hopefullypersuaded him to get some sleep.
The wake was held at thehouse. Most of life’s other big events had taken place there, andstaying home made it easier on Ben. At least here he feltsurrounded by Tim, the memories they had made a constant source ofcomfort. His eyes moved to the pair of paintings on display in theliving room. Their home in happier times. Ben was so thankful forthat reminder. He refused to feel sorry for himself. Not with ahappy past like that to reflect on.
Allison noticed the freshtears and scooted closer to him on the couch. After handing him atissue and watching him blow his nose, she gently took hold of oneof his arms. “What am I going to do with you?” she sighed. “Ipromised Tim I’d take care of you. He insisted, not that I neededany convincing.”
Ben managed a smile. “Hedid?”
“Yes. Hekept saying I wouldn’t need to, but just in case… Tim was obsessedwith that promise of his.”
“He kept it,” Ben said.“As far as I’m concerned, he made it close enough tocount.”
She studied him for asecond, her all-knowing expression only enhanced by age. “Youaren’t taking your medicine, are you?”
“Can youblame me?” he asked, but he didn’t feel the need to defend himself.He knew she wouldn’t judge.
“I hadsimilar thoughts when I lost Brian. Of course we weren’t so oldthen, but at the time, I couldn’t imagine a life without him. Ifound one though. Maybe it’s not quite the one I had hoped for, butI’m glad I stuck around long enough to become a great-grandmother.I would have hated to miss that.”
“I’mglad you stuck around too,” Ben said, but he couldn’t promise to dothe same.
She studied him a momentlonger, then reached her own conclusion. “I’ll spare you the peptalk. You’ve been through this before. Still, I have to imagineit’s different this round. Seventy years is a longtime.”
Ben’s lip trembled beforehe got himself under control. “I wouldn’t have minded anotherseventy with him.”
“I can’t compete with TimWyman,thehottest guy in high school,” Allison said,squeezing his arm affectionately. “But you know you can come livewith me. It’s a full house right now, and I don’t need much excuseto kick the twins out of the nest. It’s about time they startedfending for themselves. No more being pampered by their nice oldgranny. If they don’t shape up, they’re going to meet their wickedgrandmother instead.”
Ben managed a smile. “CanI be there when it happens? Nothing against them! I love the twins.I just love seeing you kick butt even more.”
“That’llbring back a few memories.”
“Ohyes!” Ben said with a chuckle. “Except this time, I won’t be on thereceiving end.”
“Don’tbe so sure,” Allison said. “You might be the reason I come out ofretirement!”
“Iappreciate the offer,” he said. “For the living situation, I mean,but I’ll be okay here. I won’t be on my own. Jason and William aremoving in.”
“Really?That’s thoughtful of them!”
“It is,”Ben said. “They suggested we finally keep our vow and get a cabintogether. We rented one often enough, but we were all supposed tolive out our final days together and… Well, it was a long time ago,and we both know how life can get in the way. It just wouldn’t bethe same without Tim. What really surprised me is that they want tokeep this house. I told them they could sell it when I’m gone, thatI wouldn’t mind, but between you and me, I’mrelieved.”
“They’regood boys,” Allison said. “Enough talk of death. I realize thatwe’re the last two people at a wake, but that doesn’t mean we can’thave fun.”
He looked to herincredulously.
