Page 132 of Something Like Winter

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around, Ryan’s face was soft instead of defensive. His angel eyes could

be deceptive, but Tim was sure he saw regret in them.

“I messed up,” Ryan said. “This is why I like you to go out with me

because I know you’ll stop me from being stupid.”

Tim huffed. “But you go out anyway, even if I’m not there.” “I’m still young, okay? I can’t be all grown up like you.” But Tim had been anything but grown up. He hadn’t done a damn

thing since finishing college. “Things have to change,” he said. “I can’t

do this anymore. It’s not working.”

“It can still work,” Ryan said. “Don’t turn your back on me like my

parents did. You know that will kill me!”

Fuck him for playing that card. Tim knew Ryan didn’t deserve his

sympathy, and yet it was the most effective thing he could have said. Tim moved around him, dropping the socks and underwear into the

suitcase.

“One more chance,” Ryan pleaded.

Tim shook his head, but then sighed in resignation. “Prove that

you’re willing to change. Stop hanging out with Stephen and go back to

school. We’ll take a break, okay? If you love me, get your shit together

and then come back. Otherwise I don’t want to ever see you again.” Tim

slammed the suitcase shut. “Are you going to take a shower before you

go?”

“Maybe a bath,” Ryan said. “Are there any razors in there?” Tim’s blood went cold. “Don’t talk like that.”

“Why not? What have I got to live for?”

“It’s just a fucking break, Ryan! Stop bitching and prove that you

care, okay?”

Ryan didn’t answer. He didn’t speak in the car either, except to tell

Tim where to bring him. Their destination was an old apartment building

on the other side of town. He prayed it didn’t belong to Stephen, but

didn’t ask.

Tim said goodbye, his words gentle, but Ryan slammed the car door

anyway. Instead of letting it get to him, Tim drove downtown to a clinic

that provided anonymous testing, rolled up his sleeve, and watched his

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