Page 3 of Something Like Daybreak
“Yes. I hadn’t given the subject much thought, since it’s always a little unsettling to think about who we used to be. Like rereading an old diary that you kept as a child. You recognize your own handwriting and know it was your thoughts and feelings at the time, but you’re surprised by how much you’ve changed since then.”
“If you’re doing it right,” Victor said, momentarily returning to the clearing in his mind.
“The strange thing is, you don’t realize how different things were until you look back. Otherwise it’s as though you’ve always been the same person.”
He remembered staring at a baby photo of himself and struggling to accept that he was once that grubby little creature. It was the same with his past lives. Each had contributed to who he eventually became. And similar to childhood, the details got fuzzier the further back he went. He didn’t remember learning his ABCs, despite it being part of the past that touched the present. Likewise, he didn’t remember much about serving in the Second World War, but that he never made it home to his family had probably contributed to his reluctance to leave Warrensburg and his mother behind. Hell, even the army-surplus jacket he favored was likely an influence of that former life.
“It’s all so fascinating,” his mother said when setting lunch on the table. “Quite a few people at the conference decided to reincarnate. I can’t help wondering who I would come back as.”
“I assume it isn’t a choice. Otherwise everyone would be an attractive millionaire.”
“Oh? Is that what you would want?”
“No, I suppose not.”
“You have the option. To live another life. We both do.”
Victor raised an eyebrow in concern. “Is that something you're considering?”
“Oh, who knows,” his mother said coyly as she weaved a spoon through her soup. “Wouldn’t it be fun though?”
“I’m not sure,” Victor said. “I suppose that depends on who I came back as. Once I had died and returned here, I mean. I like who I am now.” Did he though? Wasn’t that why he was still out in the woods, so he could fix himself?
“That’s not a problem,” Rachel replied. “If you don’t like who you end up as, you can always go through a past life regression. Do you remember Mrs. Stravinsky? She lived across the street when you were young.”
“Yeah, of course. She used to babysit me.”
“She was always so wonderfully patient with you. I happened to run into her the other day. She’d already reincarnated since we last saw each other and came back as a Victorian baker who had some terribly old-fashioned ideas about women. And that’s putting it mildly. He didn’t sound like a very pleasant person. He used to cut his flour with chalk powder just to save money.”
Victor shook his head. “That’s what happens when you roll the dice. Sometimes you lose.”
“There’s good news though.” She nodded at his plate and refused to continue until he’d taken a bite. “Once you return here, you can revert back to that previous life, if it’s what you prefer. Some people shift back and forth depending on their need. Mrs. Stravinsky couldn’t wait to change back. Although she said she’d like to try again soon.” Rachel peered at him with motherly concern. “I think I’d like to as well.”
Victor’s stomach sank. “You’re leaving?”
“Think of it more like going on a trip. I’ll be back. Eventually.”
Victor took another bite and chewed, if only to give himself time to think. “But who will you end up as? The next time we see each other, I might have a father instead of a mother.”
“Oh, I doubt that,” Rachel said. “I’ve almost exclusively been a woman. With a few exceptions. I love creating life too much. You for instance. Despite all the pain—the nine hours of labor included—you were my greatest joy.” She reached across the table and placed her hand over his. “Wouldn’t it be wonderful to get a fresh start? I’d like to have someone I can rely on this time. A patient and loving man who would be there at night when I got home from an exciting career. What would you have done differently, honey?”
“I wouldn’t have left you on your own as much.”
“Oh stop.” She patted his hand. “I’m glad you had adventures! I only wish you could’ve had more. You died so young, Victor. There was so much you didn’t get to experience.” She withdrew her hand, her cheeks growing rosy. “Like having children, for instance.”
Victor laughed and shook his head. “Here we go again. You always manage to bring it back around to grandchildren.”
“I never got to be a grandmother!”
“In your most recent life. How many grandmas can you remember being before then?”
“Enough to know thatthisme would have loved the experience. I’d like to end life on a high note. We both got a raw deal, honey. Even if you don’t want children, I would have liked to have seen the man you’d eventually become.”
“I’m sitting right here.”
Her smile was patient. “I love you. But I wanted more for you and I still do. Did you know that most souls travel in groups? Not always. Some come and go. But the same souls often stay together life after life. I’ve been your parent before. I’m sure you feel that.”
“I remember my grandfather reading to me in Dutch.”
