Page 6 of Something Like Daybreak
“Is this about Nathaniel?” Jace asked, hazarding a guess. “I’m sure it won’t be too much longer before you can finally meet him in person, so to speak.”
“No. I don’t worry about him anymore. He has a happy life. Some men grow bitter as they age. Nathaniel did it in reverse. But I do envy him.”
“Ah,” Jace said. “You regret missing out on so much.”
“Not just because we died so young,” Victor said. “I was doing it wrong even before then. The great philosophers didn’t disengage from the world around them. Some were politicians, others were exiles, but they always went where the people were, lecturing and learning in equal measure. All I did was stew in my own juices year after year.”
“It’s not too late,” Jace said. “We have all the time in the world and access to more cultures and civilizations than whenwe were living. If it’s contact with other humans that you crave, go out and meet them.”
“It isn’t the same,” Victor said, shaking his head. “Ineed to change, Jace. And I can’t do that here. Not as much as I want to. Imagine a ball of clay that someone tossed into the air. It remains the same shape going up or coming down. There isn’t any resistance, at least not enough to have a lasting effect. But when the clay hits the hard ground,that’swhen it takes on a new shape. Right now we’re just hurtling through the void.”
Jace stared into mismatched eyes, trying to understand. His stomach lurched when he finally did. “You want to reincarnate.”
“Yes!” Victor said, leaning forward in excitement. “Have you ever considered the idea?”
“No. I was waiting for Ben to get here, so we could be together again.”
“And now?”
“He’s finally here,” Jace said.
“Do you feel like you have everything you want?” Victor challenged. “Are you okay with how much we missed out on? I was twenty-three. I hadn’t even begun to live. You didn’t make it much further. Another decade, right?”
“Yeah,” Jace said, taking a sip of his beer. “It’s funny you mention this. Just the other day I came home and found Ben and Tim in the backyard, except they were old. Somewhere in their seventies, I think. They were gardening together. White hair, sagging muscles, gnarled hands, and yet they chose to look that way. When I asked Ben about it later, he said they sometimes became nostalgic for that age, since it was one of the most content stages of their lives. They were happy.”
“That’s what I’m missing,” Victor said, his voice hoarse. “The inner peace that comes with age.”
“We’ve experienced it in previous lives.”
“Ancient history,” Victor said sadly. “I’m not those people anymore. I’m only the end result, and he was never terribly happy. Except when we were together.”
“And it still breaks my heart that I wasn’t able to rescue you,” Jace said around the lump in his throat.
“I needed to save myself,” Victor said. Then he shook his head, growling in frustration. “That’s wrong! I needed your help, and my mother’s, and everyone else’s too. Star, Greg, Michelle, Bernard… All of you tried, but I was too caught up in my own ideals. Shackled by my own convictions! I should have accepted your help, but it’s hard for me to do so even now. That’s the shape of my clay. Until I return to the potter’s wheel.” He took a deep breath. “But it’s more than that. My mother is leaving. She wants a new life for many of the same reasons.”
Jace ached for him in sympathy. Mrs. Hemingway had succumbed to Alzheimer’s disease toward the end of her life. That slow loss had been hard enough for him to deal with. He could only imagine the pain it had caused Victor, and of course, Mrs. Hemingway herself. If this was the only way to heal those old wounds, then it was for the best. Except… “What about us?”
“I could never ask you to—” Victor scowled and shook his head. “Old habits are so damn hard to break! What I really mean to say is that I want you to come with me. We’d have another chance, Jace. We could fall in love and actually be together. Those two old men gardening in the backyard should be us!”
Jace was stunned. Victor was rarely so forward about his feelings and needs. And he did see the appeal. In so many different ways. When he looked back on his own life, there was gratitude for all the good times. But even that was marred by painful scars. Losing Victor. Dying young, knowing that he was leaving behind someone special to face what could be a very cruel world.
“I’d say yes in a heartbeat,” Jace admitted, “if it wasn’t for Ben.”
“You mean the guy who is, even now, safe from harm with the man he spent an entire lifetime with?” Victor peered at him. “Let them watch over us for a change. They’ll still be here when we get back. And maybe we’ll bring someone new for them to meet. My mother isveryinsistent on having grandchildren.”
Jace would have laughed, if the idea of raising a child with Victor wasn’t so beautiful.
“Separation is only temporary,” Victor pressed. “We know that now. Regardless of what happens, you’ll still get to come home to him. Unless you think Ben and Tim would like to join us. My mother informs me that souls often travel in groups.”
Jace nodded. It was true. He had known Ben in other lives in various roles, and while those memories weren’t on the surface like his most recent incarnation, they still contributed to the feeling of being connected somehow. They were soulmates. They had history, and a wonderful present, but it was the future that was now being called into question. And he couldn’t deny the appeal. To live again and love Victor as it should have been. To return here with an entire lifetime of experience, instead of just a taste of youth… The mere idea was exceptionally tempting.
“I’d have to talk to Ben,” Jace said. “See how he feels.”
“But you want to reincarnate?” Victor asked, his expression hopeful.
“Yeah,” Jace admitted. “I do.”
Chapter Three
