Page 62 of Switch!
I want to tell her that she doesn’t need to. I’m still here. I’ll probably never convince her of that, but it’s worth a try. “Do you believe in reincarnation?”
Sarah reaches for my napkin, glancing at me for permission. I nod. She blows her nose with it, her shoulders shaking with grief before she gets herself under control again. “I know you’re trying to make me feel better,” she says at last, “to give me hope, but I’m not a believer. It’s times like these that I wish I was.”
I could try to convince her with information that only Caleb would know. Even if she suspected that he told me those things, I could go into enough excruciating detail to convince her eventually… And then what? Find a new body? One that is capable of loving her back in the way I used to? Sarah is smart. She would ask the right questions, and I would have to admit that I stole someone else’s life so that we could be together.
A dark thought occurs to me. I could keep it all a secret, find a new body, and let her think she was meeting someone new. But no. I don’t think she would move on so easily. I sure wouldn’t. And won’t.
“I actually thought coming to work would make me feel better,” she says, blowing her nose again. “Can you believe that? Like waiting tables could distract me from this sort of pain.” She sighs. “That’s the price of love. I just never expected to pay it so soon.”
I fight the urge to reach across the table and take her hand. I don’t know what to say. All I come up with is, “Do you want to go home? I’ll talk to your boss. I’ll explain everything. He can’t say no, considering the circumstances.”
“Itisa slow night,” she says, sounding hopeful.
“I’ll take care of it.” I stand. She does too. When I notice a customer staring impatiently in our direction, I glare until he looks away.
“Did Caleb say anything else?” Sarah asks.
“That he wants you to be happy.”
She snorts and shakes her head. “Easier said than done.”
“I know, but please try. For him. Okay?”
Her chin trembles again and she nods.
I’ve done pretty well so far, but I can’t bear it anymore. I hate seeing her so hurt. I try to tell her that she should go home now, but it comes out as a croak, and before I know it, I’m wiping tears from my eyes.
“Come here,” she says.
Sarah opens her arms, and I step into them for what must be the last time, but it isn’t like before. Her body is angled away from mine. I feel her tears on my neck, smell the familiar scent of her shampoo, and then it’s over.
Sarah pulls away. “I really shouldn’t be here today.”
“I’ll take care of everything,” I promise her. “It’ll be okay. I mean it. You’re going to be fine.”
She nods, even though I can tell she doesn’t believe me. I hope my promise will come true. Eventually. Sarah starts to turn toward the kitchen and the break area beyond where she keeps her things. Then she hesitates.
“I never got your name.”
“Travis,” I say, my throat tight. “Travis Anderson.”
“Thank you, Travis.”
I watch as she walks away. I should be happy that I was able to tell her the truth, even if just a small part of it. Instead, all I feel is heartbroken.
Nineteen ↔ Chapter
“I think I might be psychic.”
When Jesse says this, he’s sitting on the couch with Colin as they take turns poking chopsticks into various takeout boxes. This is a tradition they share every Sunday night. No cooking, no dishes, just ease and convenience at the end of another week. I’ve decided to spend the evening with them. Sitting in my black box gets boring, even with the bedroom upgrade, and I don’t feel as bad for intruding on their privacy during TV time. Although I am tempted to take control so I can change the channel.
“Psychic?” Colin asks. “Can you speak with the dead? Because there’ssomuchI want to say to Amy Winehouse.” He clutches his chest, as if overwhelmed by emotion. “Are you there, Amy? Can you hear me?”
“Ha ha,” Jesse deadpans. “I’m serious. I had a weird experience today.”
Colin raises the remote to mute the advertisements blaring from the television. “What happened?”
“I stopped at this barbeque place for lunch. I don’t know why. I’d never been there before. The waitress seemed depressed. I meanreallydown, and I got this feeling, like maybe she was sad about Caleb.”
