Page 101 of When Ben Loved Tim
I snort. “The guy who had to go to the hospital because he stuck a frozen hotdog up his butt?”
“Yeah,” Tim says. “Whatever happened to him?”
I shrug. “Didn’t he switch schools? How do you know about that? It was last year.”
“I know because Darryl told me. They made up the story after Theodore pissed them off.”
I stare in disbelief. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah,” Tim said.
“This is exactly what I don’t understand. Why are you friends with people like that?”
“They’re not so bad,” Tim says with a shrug. “Darryl is actually pretty funny. Stacy is cooler than you realize, and Krista has been really nice about the breakup. Bryce is a dick though, I’ll give you that.”
“They’reallassholes,” I say dismissively. Then I glower at him. “So that’s your big excuse? You picked on Danny so they wouldn’t make up a mean story about you? Who cares! That just proves they aren’t the kind of friends worth having.”
“You’ve gotta put it all together,” Tim says. “If I ditch them, what happens?”
“You get to hang out with me and my friends.”
He shakes his head. “People will notice. And when they do, what conclusion do you think they’ll reach? It doesn’t matter how careful we are. You know what they’re going to assume.”
“That we’re together,” I say with a shrug. “Would that be so bad?”
“Yeah! It would be really fucking bad when they start stirring up shit and it gets back to my parents. My dad already wants to send me to the same stupid Catholic school he went to for college, and it’s nowhere near here. What’s going to happen to us then? Think about it!” His face becomes drawn with pain before he manages to hide it.
“We’re eighteen now,” I tell him. “After we graduate, we can do whatever we want.”
“With what? The sports scholarships I keep sabotaging?”
“We’ll figure something out. I promise.”
He takes this as an invitation to move toward me again. There’s so much need in his eyes that I don’t pull away when his hands envelop mine.
“Jesus!” Tim hisses. “You’re freezing!”
Only when he tries to wrap his arms around me do I finally resist and squirm free.
“I can’t do this,” I splutter. “I don’t care how hot you are, or how much I—” My voice strangles to a halt, and I’m glad, because now isn’t the time to tell him. At this point, I don’t know if I ever will. “I can’t be with a bully,” I force myself to continue. “I won’t!”
“I fucked up,” Tim murmurs. “I’m sorry.”
“Tell Danny that!”
“I will,” he replies, staring into my eyes as if to prove his sincerity. “And I won’t do anything like that again.”
“That’s not enough,” I say, my voice trembling. “Stop them from picking onanyone.I mean it! If you see them messing with someone, I expect you to do more than just stand there.”
“I’ll try,” Tim says.
He looks ashamed as he takes a step back. He can’t even meet my gaze. “It’s cold. You better get inside.”
I should walk away—leave him there to stew on it all. And I start to. But when I look back and see him watching me with longing, it matches what I feel in my heart. “Wanna come up to my room?” I ask.
Tim nods. “Yeah. More than anything.”
I lead him inside, eager to mend the rift between us. But I also can’t help wondering if I deserve the same amount of judgment. Tim had abandoned his ideals when deciding not to give Danny his hat back. Isn’t that what I’m doing now? Compromising what I really believe so that I can keep doing what I want? I’m not sure, but I remain troubled, even after he takes me into his arms.
