Page 30 of When Ben Loved Jace
“You’ve got it.”
Greg retreats deeper into the house. I grab a paper towel and wipe up the spilled coffee. By the time he returns in a rumpled T-shirt and torn shorts, I’ve already got it figured out. Only a best friend would attempt something so ridiculous.
“You like scrambled eggs?” he asks.
“Sure!”
“Coming right up.” Greg moves to the fridge. Then the stove. “I don’t do that to every guy Jace brings home—”
“Have there been that many?” I interrupt.
“Nah. Hardly any at all. And I don’t blame anyone forlooking. There’s no harm in that. At least I don’t think so. What about you?”
“It’s only natural.”
“Exactly. But this one guy put the moves on me. I figured maybe he was flirting just for fun. I like to do that myself on occasion.”
“I noticed.”
“Heh. This guy didn’t let up though, so I asked if he was serious, and the dude offered to blow me. I didn’t hook up with him of course, but you bet your ass that I told Jace.”
“Rightly so!”
The toaster pops, and soon enough, a plate with steaming eggs and two triangles of browned bread are placed before me, followed shortly by a fork and a bottle of hot sauce. Greg sits down on the other side of the table with transparent need on his face. I’m just not sure why.
“Dig in,” he says.
I do so and chew thoughtfully. “Is there something about me that made you think I was that kind of guy?”
“Not at all,” he assures me. “You seem cool to me, but here’s the thing: Jace is getting really serious about you, and that makes me nervous, because I don’t want to hurt him again.” He shakes his head. “I mean, I don’t want toseehim get hurt. Shit. That was a Freudian slip.”
“How did you hurt him?” I ask after taking another bite.
Greg sighs. “It was back when I was young and dumb. I had no idea about Jace. Completely clueless, but you know how it was in those days. Gay people weren’t on TV or anything like they are now. The most I had to go by were mean jokes and stereotypes, which he heard plenty of from me. I said some terrible things. Like how gay people should all be shipped off to some island in the middle of nowhere.”
“Why?”
“Young and dumb,” he repeats.
“No, I mean, why an island?”
He chuckles. “Who knows? Probably because I thought it made me sound macho. I didn’t need a reason to hate back then. I was too drunk on all the power I’d come into when going through puberty. Testosterone is a trip. So there I was, saying all kinds of stupid shit, not realizing that my lifelong best friend was thinkingabout killing himself. I didn’t find out about his suicide attempt until later, but that’s no excuse.”
“When did he come out to you?”
Greg withers. “That wasn’t my proudest moment either. We were hanging out with Victor in the woods, chilling around the campfire. That’s the first time I met him. Victor was kind of a legend in our school for taking on one of the absoluteworstteachers. I was eager to impress him, beating my chest and talking smack, which included badmouthing gay people. Victor called me on it. He didn’t yell or anything. He just challenged my preconceived notions. ‘What if someone you knew was gay? Someone you love. Would you still feel the same way?’ I stood my ground, like an idiot. That’s when I noticed the look on Jace’s face. Like one of his cats had died or something.”
Greg grimaces. “I hurt him. I fucking hate it, but I did. Jace went running off through the woods. I managed to catch up with him and—” His voice strangles to a halt. Greg meets my eye again, his gaze intense. “That was the last time. For me, anyway. I swore to never hurt him again, and to neverlethim get hurt but…” He shakes his head. “Some things you just can’t control.”
“Victor?” I hazard.
Greg looks up in surprise. “He told you about that?”
“The breakup? Yeah.”
“And the other stuff?” He motions with his hand, like he wants me to keep going.
What else is there to tell? He doesn’t need me to explain that Jace left for college and ended up here. That’s the happy ending.
