Page 101 of Cowboy's Last Stand
Jason tucked his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling, not arguing.A muscle in his jaw flexed.
Tears rushed into her eyes as she searched for her clothes.She didn’t know why she was so upset.The same thing had happened with Wade.She’d been sick with grief and guilt before he’d even left her bed.
“Did you get a settlement?”Jason asked out of the blue.
She tugged on her sweatshirt.“What?”
“When a soldier dies in combat, the surviving family members get a lump sum.They call it a death gratuity.”
Natalie was familiar with the harsh term.Hearing it killed the last of her post-orgasmic bliss.Suddenly, the room felt cold, and her hands were shaking.She couldn’t find her panties.“That’s none of your business.”
“You’re living like a pauper.”
“I’m getting by just fine.”
“I don’t think so,” he said with an infuriating calmness.“I think you have money in the bank that you won’t spend for emotional reasons.You’re choosing to work nights at a dive bar when you could stay home with Marcus.”
Her mouth dropped open.There was one line he couldn’t cross, no matter what, and he’d waltzed right over it.“How dare you criticize my parenting?You can’t even function as a normal human being.”
He sat up on the mattress, his face taut in the firelight.“I’m not criticizing.I’m asking about your finances because I care about you.”
Natalie lifted her chin.“You’re meddling in my personal business because you want me to forget about my husband and move on.But I won’t do that.I willneverforget Mike.He was the love of my life.”
“No, he wasn’t.”
Jason’s implication thathewas the love of her life, not Mike, terrified her.He was pushing too hard.This was too much, too soon.She’d surrendered her body, and now he wanted her heart.She couldn’t risk it.What kind of fool would fall for a man who had no set plans for the future?Panic rising, she searched for the right words to make him back off.“This was a mistake.”
“Too hot for you?”
“I’m not ready to move on.”
“You were ready twenty minutes ago.More than ready.”
A flush rose to her cheeks at the memory.She couldn’t meet his eyes any longer, so she focused on getting dressed.She grabbed her leggings and put them on.He stood up and donned his own shirt in swift motions.As she brushed by him, he grasped her upper arm to prevent her from leaving the apartment.
He spoke in a softer tone.“I know it hasn’t been easy for you since Mike died.I understand why you’re afraid.”
“You don’t understand anything.”
“You’re too young to stop living, Natalie.He’s not coming back, and you can’t climb in the grave with him.”
She yanked her arm free.“You are such a hypocrite!You haven’t dealt with your own problems, but you want to tell me how to handle mine?Walking away isn’t the same as moving on, Jason.Talk to me about healthy choices when you’ve stayed in the same place for a month.Or slept in a real bed.”
His mouth thinned with displeasure.He didn’t respond to her criticism.Nor did he try to detain her again.
She left him standing there and fled into the cool night.Tears flooded her eyes as she made her way down the stairs.Drizzle soaked her head, adding insult to injury.She trudged into the house, kicked off her slippers, and approached the hutch where Mike’s photo was displayed.Wiping her cheeks, she studied the man in uniform.
He looked so young, it made her heart ache.He’d been Gabe’s age when he enlisted, barely twenty.They’d started dating when she was nineteen, and they’d gotten married when she was twenty-one.She’d had boyfriends before Mike, but he was the only man she’d ever loved.The two-year anniversary of his death was coming up soon.
It pained her to consider these dates and to put them in the perspective of a lifetime.She hated Jason for suggesting that she’d mourned long enough.Mike was a war hero.He’d been a wonderful father to Marcus.He deserved to be honored and remembered.
Her face crumpled with emotion.
Picking up the picture frame, she hugged it to her chest.Tears flowed in earnest as she curled up on the couch with her feelings.She wasn’t sure she could resist Jason again.He hadn’t even seduced her tonight; she’d gone to him.Despite her guilt, she didn’t regret it.Their arguments hadn’t stopped her from wanting him.He was a passionate man who challenged her in interesting ways.
He was right about one thing: she was afraid.Afraid of losing her independence, her tranquility, her sense of self.Being a grieving widow had become her identity.It was like a comforting blanket she couldn’t let go of.
If she gave herself fully to Jason and it didn’t work out, what would she have left?Nothing.She’d have nothing.Mike’s death had left a wound inside her that would never completely heal.She couldn’t endure another devastating loss.The safest option would be to send Jason away before he could do any more damage.
