Page 92 of Cowboy's Last Stand
She stood with him.“You offered to help me because Mike was killed in action.”
“I offered to help you because I wanted to go to bed with you.”
“Are you saying that you don’t have survivor’s guilt?”
A muscle in his jaw flexed.“What I feel for you isn’t guilt.It’s nowhere near guilt.”
“You’re not listening to me.”
“I’m listening,” he said.“I’m just not agreeing.”
She fell silent, unsure how to get through to him.
“Do you know what I think?”
“What?”
He spoke in a low growl.“I think you’re searching for reasons to sabotage our relationship.You use Marcus as an excuse to avoid men and dating, but that’s not working for you this time, so you had to switch it up.”
“That’s not fair,” she protested.
He stepped closer, invading her space.“There’s something real between us, and that’s why you’re pushing me away.You’re afraid to feel pleasure again.You’re afraid to feel anything.”
“I’m not pushing you away,” she said.“I’m telling you I want a steady guy, not just a good time in bed!”
“Why don’t we start with a good time in bed and worry about the rest later?”
She shook her head in frustration.She’d offended him, and now they were both mad.She was too upset to explain herself clearly.
He pressed a fingertip to the center of her chest, where her heart pounded.“Youareafraid to feel.That’s why you won’t let me make love to you and why you didn’t come with Wade.”
Her mouth dropped open.How dare he bring that up?
“Survivor’s guilt applies to war widows too,” he said, twisting the knife.He gestured to the mementos of Mike in the dining room.“So does fixation on war heroes.Let’s be honest about why you prefer me over someone more stable.You don’t want a steady guy.You want a stand-in for your dead husband.”
She backed away from him in horror.Then she grabbed a pillow from the couch and launched it at him.He caught it neatly, which wasn’t very satisfying.Although he looked angry enough to throw it back at her, he didn’t.He tucked it under his arm like a football.
She stared at him for a taut moment, her emotions rioting.Hot tears flooded her eyes again.She shouldn’t have ambushed him with personal questions.He shouldn’t have reacted so defensively.They’d both behaved badly, and perhaps…
Perhaps now it was over.
“Have a nice night,” he said and walked out the door.
Chapter Nineteen
Jason spent themorning working and brooding.
He’d screwed up royally with Natalie, and he didn’t know how to fix it.So he fixed something else, as usual.He tinkered with the truck’s engine, cranking gears and tightening bolts until his knuckles bled.His mood was foul, so he didn’t expect success.He knew from experience that a calm mind and steady hands were required for fine-tuning.Actually, they were better suited for everything, including matters of the heart.
Falling in love with her had created a quandary he couldn’t solve.He was in a hopeless tangle, and every time he touched her, he dug himself in deeper.Sleeping with her wasn’t wise when his inevitable betrayal loomed on the horizon.Walking away was impossible at this point.She still needed his protection.
At midday, he lifted his head from beneath the hood and tossed the socket wrench aside.He was making a mess of this repair to match the mess he’d made with Natalie.He wiped his hands on a shop rag and stepped out of the garage into the muted sunlight.
Last night, he’d rolled up his sleeping bag and grabbed his pack off the porch.For a brief moment, he’d considered leaving town.He had enough troubles.Starting a relationship with Natalie would only add to them.
Instead of fleeing the scene, Jason had hunkered down in the garage to sleep.Its cold depths had matched his foul mood.Bare branches scraped the roof like claws at his psyche while the critical comments she’d made echoed in his mind.
Upon reflection, Natalie’s concerns about his fitness as a partner weren’t unreasonable.He wasn’t the best role model for her son, and he wasn’t stable.What woman would want a broken wreck for a boyfriend?She was a single mother with two jobs and too many responsibilities.She deserved a steady guy.He wanted to be that for her.He wanted to be everything she needed and more.
