Page 49 of Crocodile Tears
“And mercenary work?”
I pause to consider how to explain the transition from military service to private contracting.“Freedom from institutional constraints, higher compensation, and the ability to choose assignments based on personal interest rather than orders.”
“What changed your mind about that lifestyle?”
The question requires more introspection than I expected.“Growing disillusionment with clients who use private military services for morally questionable objectives.Also, increasing awareness that I want things that are incompatible with constant travel and tactical operations.”
Becci shifts closer as the temperature drops with nightfall.“Things like what?”
“Things like this conversation, sharing experiences with someone who understands both the scientific and personal aspects of shifter physiology.”I find myself being more honest than I intended.“Things like discovering that isolation isn’t necessarily preferable to connection with the right person.”
She considers this while listening to the jungle sounds around us.“I understand isolation.Being a reptilian shifter in academic environments creates similar challenges.”
“How so?”
“Academic communities expect certain social behaviors and communication patterns that don’t align naturally with reptilian personalities.”She adjusts her position to share warmth more efficiently.“Also, my research focus on genetic modifications makes colleagues uncomfortable because it raises questions about the ethics of enhancing shifter capabilities.”
“Questions like what?”
Becci explains the ethical complexities of her research while I listen with growing appreciation for the challenges she faces in her professional life.Her work exists at the intersection of multiple controversial fields, requiring her to navigate scientific ethics, shifter politics, and institutional pressure.
“Most of my colleagues think genetic enhancement research is inherently dangerous,” she continues.“They don’t understand that the research itself isn’t the problem but the application of the research that creates ethical concerns.”
“Like weaponizing healing capabilities for military applications.”
“Exactly.The scientific knowledge could be used to help people recover from injuries or diseases, but it could also be used to create enhanced soldiers with tactical advantages.”
I consider that while watching stars appear through the jungle canopy.“Is that why you were so determined to destroy the data?”
“Yes.Scientific knowledge should be used to improve human welfare, not to create new forms of warfare.”
The conversation evolves into deeper territory as we share stories of isolation and misunderstanding.Becci tells me about growing up as the only crocodilian shifter in her adoptive mammalian family, and I mention how isolating it can be as the only reptile shifter in a mammal squad.“I’ve never told anyone about the isolation aspects of reptilian shifting,” I say while listening to night sounds around us.
Becci turns to face me in the darkness.“Most people don’t understand that isolation can be both comfortable and limiting simultaneously.”
“Exactly.It’s not loneliness in the traditional sense, but it’s awareness that you’re fundamentally different from the people around you.”
“And that the difference isn’t necessarily negative, just incompatible with conventional expectations.”
As we settle into sleep arrangements that prioritize warmth and security over sexy times, I realize this conversation has changed something fundamental about how I view the possibility of civilian relationships.The isolation that defined my adult life feels less permanent when shared with someone who understands both the challenges and advantages of reptilian shifter identity.
“Cal?”Her voice is soft in the darkness.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for coming after me.”
My chest constricts at the simple words, and I clear my throat.“Of course.I couldn’t leave you with Vega.”
“Even though it involved significantly more tactical complications than your original plan?”
I consider the events of the past twenty-four hours—the infiltration, the firefight, the chase, and now this unexpected intimacy in the middle of hostile territory.“Especially because it involved significantly more tactical complications than my original plan.”I laugh softly.“I like the kind of complications you bring, Becci.”
Chapter 13
Becci
Dawnbreakswiththedistant sound of search helicopters, their rotors creating a rhythmic pulse that filters through the jungle canopy.I wake beside Cal, momentarily disoriented before the memories of our escape and subsequent conversations flood back.The mass of his arm across my waist reminds me I’m in the South American jungle with a mercenary who risked everything to save me.
