Page 53 of Crocodile Tears
“Limited how?”
I prop myself up to look at him.“Tactical operations, international travel, life-threatening situations, and intimacy where I don’t have to hide who I am.It’s been quite an expansion of experiences.”
He touches my shoulder where some scales are still visible.“I was planning to go completely civilian before I met you.Now, I’m not sure either of us needs conventionalnormal.”
“What do we need?”
“Balance, maybe?Something that accommodates your research and my security work without either of us having to suppress our essential nature.”
The idea gets my brain spinning in that way it does when I encounter an interesting problem.“We’d need to coordinate living arrangements, work schedules, finances, geographic flexibility… ”
He watches me mentally organize with obvious amusement.“You’re making relationship flowcharts in your head.Aren’t you?”
“I’m thinking systematically about our future.”I start running through compatibility variables.“Housing, career coordination, financial planning, and travel requirements.Everything needs consideration for optimal outcomes.”
“Of course, you’re treating our relationship like a research project,” he teases.
I continue tracing patterns while my mind works through possibilities.“Systematic planning works better than improvisation.If we’re going to build something that accommodates both our professional requirements and personal needs, we should be strategic about it.”
He pulls me closer as I keep thinking out loud about logistics.“So, what are our odds?”
“Our odds?”I run through the factors—how well we work together, shared interests, complementary skills, and our mutual acceptance of shifter characteristics.“Maybe eighty-seven percent?Assuming good planning and regular adjustments based on new information.”
“Eighty-seven percent?”He sounds dubious.
“Statistically significant but not guaranteed.There are too many variables for complete predictability.”I settle more comfortably against him.“However, the initial data looks very promising.”
Cal laughs.“I love that you just calculated our relationship probability.”
“I love that you understand this is how I process deep emotions instead of thinking I’m being clinically detached.”The admission surprises me with how accurate it feels.What I’m feeling for Cal goes beyond attraction or intellectual compatibility.It’s the kind of comprehensive acceptance I never expected to find.
“Deep emotions?”His voice carries obvious interest.
I think about how to explain feelings that don’t fit into neat scientific categories.“The kind that makes you willing to completely restructure your life around someone.”
“Are you saying you’re falling for me, Dr.Lawson?”
The direct question makes me assess honestly.“I’m saying I’ve already fallen for you, and continued exposure is only going to strengthen that conclusion.”
Cal kisses me before pulling back, looking satisfied.“Good, because I’ve never felt like this about anyone, and I’m willing to completely restructure my life to keep what we’ve found.”
That creates emotional responses for which my scientific training definitely didn’t prepare me—complete acceptance, mutual understanding, and shared commitment to building something neither of us saw coming.
As we settle in to sleep, I keep murmuring about coordinating research schedules with his security consultations.My systematic approach makes him chuckle, but he clearly understands detailed planning is how I handle emotions too complex for direct expression.
“Becci?”
“Mmm?”
“For the record, I think eighty-seven percent is conservative.I’m calculating closer to ninety-four percent.”
I smile against his chest, already adjusting my mental model.“I’ll factor that into my ongoing analysis.”
“Of course, you will.”
As sleep takes over, I realize my controlled laboratory existence just expanded to include possibilities I never imagined.The scientist in me wants to catalog everything we’ve discovered while my crocodile nature simply wants to hold on to this feeling of complete acceptance and shared understanding.For the first time in my adult life, the future feels full of variables I actually want to explore instead of control or eliminate.
Chapter 14
