Page 24 of Desiderium
Jax looks over and shakes his head. “That’s a cover for the electrical box, numb nuts. It’s not even a real boulder. It’s decorative for fucks sake.”
Hawk, curious and suspicious now, runs over to the boulder in question and kicks that too, upending it and revealing the hidden electrical box underneath. Hawk points at it accusingly. “Still hiding shit, though!”
Jax closes his eyes and huffs out a breath of irritation, grinding his jaw for a moment before smiling and laughing as Hawk runs back over. The startling sound of a vehicle turning over draws our attention to the far end where Cole pulls around a large pick-up truck, parking it right in front of the pile we made. “Found one! Let’s load her up!”
It takes a bit but we manage to fill the truck with the items salvaged from the waterfront shed. I’m honestlysurprised it all fit in the back but hey, road trip Tetris for the win.
Once done, Jax turns to the rubble that once was his home. “Before we leave, let’s see if anything survived the explosion. Take some time, see if there’s anything of sentimental value that you might want to keep.”
We all fan out and start to dig through what’s left. It’s like sifting through a demolition site. Cement, mortar, wood beams, piping, wires, and a slurry of memories converge to make a muddled mass of chaos.
Eventually, everything starts to look like nothing.
And nothing becomes everything.
Chapter Thirteen
Aly
We’ve been at it for about an hour now and, so far, have absolutely nothing to show for it. Hawk and Cole are over in the far corner where the kitchen and pantry used to be while Jax and myself are situated in the space formerly known as the living room area. Or maybe it’s more like the front porch? I have no idea anymore.
The only thing I do know is I’m not thinking about all the decaying limbs and various other disgusting things I’m currently trampling over. Let’s face it, they all deserved what they got, but I don’t want to think about their ooey gooey leftovers lining my shoes for the next month.
Bending my knees, I lift, what I can only assume, is a shelf... or a piece from the stairs. Maybe the fireplace mantle? Either way it’s heavy as fuck. It doesn’t help that half of the thick wooden beam is covered with smaller bits of wood, insulation, and whatever else people use to build houses these days. Not to mention dirt. Lots of fucking dirt.
It’s absolutely everywhere.
On the ground.
In the air.
...In my fucking underwear.
Ugh... that’s gonna chafe.
Sifting through the rubble is absolutely awful and exhausting. It’s definitely not easy when you consider the conditions we’re working in. Not only is everything either demolished or incinerated, it’s also completely waterlogged. Anything I’ve found that’s surprisingly intact after all these months is still unsalvageable.
The overall feeling of digging through what remains is somber, understandably. The loss. The defeat. It’s almost unbearable when you think about it, let alone confront it head on. But even on the darkest day, a light can shine through the clouds.
The safe that was situated right next to the front doors is still intact, blackened from the explosion and noticeably damaged, but it’s there, standing in one piece. Luckily, the locking mechanism wasn’t damaged and, with a loud creak breaking the silence around us, Jax is able to open it. As he looks inside, however, there’s a noticeable change in his demeanor. The strong, indestructible force I’ve come to know as Jax, diminishes slightly at what he sees.
Letting go of the beam, I turn to see if the others noticed Jax’s decline, but Cole and Hawk, oblivious to the change, continue digging around in their areas, focused on their tasks while keeping a look out. Unable to do the same, I abandon my area and go to Jax.
His hands cling to the top of the safe, white-knuckled and tense, while his head hangs limply to his chest. It’salmost as if he’s forcing his strained arms to hold himself up but is losing the energy to do so; the weight of whatever he’s found crushing his soul. A shudder crawls through his limbs just as I hear a sharp exhale filled with grief leave his lungs.
Surely, this isn’t his reaction to seeing that his arsenal survived. I mean, his weapons collection was pretty impressive but it wasn’t something to bring a man almost to his knees. No… it must be something else.
I step to his side, curiously waiting in silence for what might have endured these past months and events. He reaches in and with shaky hands retrieves a bundle of photos wrapped in a green band. He catches me trying to look beyond his large frame and turns towards me, holding the package up.
“These, um…, I didn’t think I’d ever see these again.” With a gentle touch, he runs his calloused fingers over the glossy pages, lost in his memories as he does so. He shakes his head and exhales but it’s more in relief than sorrow. “There are pictures in here that… Some of the people in these photos… they’re…they’re not around anymore. This is all I have left of them.” He breathes in deeply and holds it for a few seconds before releasing, all the while looking at the lake in the distance. I can see he’s doing everything he can to reign in his emotions and not let them overwhelm him, but sometimes, the dam just needs to break.
I push the photos between us, right up against where his heart is, where they’ll be safest. “Then let’s keep them alive in here.” He nods, sniffling a little before pulling me in closer, enveloping me in his arms.
What do you say to comfort a person who’s surrounded by his old life that’s now nothing but … wellnothing. The precious little bits he and the others might be able to forage from the wreck are all that’s left of a life that was stolen from them. I think back to the events that led up to that day, to him making the decision to give it all up, and can’t help but feel a little guilty.
They came that day, Earl’s brother and his crew, seeking vengeance for what Jax did to Earl and his camp in order to rescue me. The absolute carnage that he left in his wake, all to get tome: the girl that just so happened to stumble into their town and pass out from dehydration while Cole and Hawk were, coincidentally, stalking me.
If it wasn’t for my being here in the first place, they might still have their home. Their life. I can’t help but feel like this is all my fault.
