Page 37 of Desiderium
Cole
“How are you feeling, really?” Aly asks as we lie on our sides close together while Sadie takes up residence on the far side, looking to where Jax and Hawk just went. The soft laps of water against the wooden swimming dock create a peaceful lullaby in our not so peaceful predicament. While we’re both physically motionless, I know our minds are racing, tearing through every single thought and scenario, possibility and circumstance in order to come to terms with what just happened.
I take her hand in mine, rubbing my thumb across her knuckles. The skin, so much softer than my calloused fingers. Looking into her eyes, I give her a reassuring smile, or at least as much of one as I have the energy to give.
“I’m ok. I’m sure I’ll be fine in no time. Just need a little rest.”
To be honest, I don’t want to worry her, or either of the guys, but I’ll admit… I’m...concerned. Not about the cuts on my back, those will heal with time. And from what Jax and Hawk said, they weren’t deep enough to require any extreme medical attention apart from a few stitches. Besides, scars have never bothered me. It’s the other problems I’m worried about.
My ankle is… I don’t even know. Without an X-ray, there’s really no way to know for sure. Twisted? Sprained? Broken? It’s all a crap shoot at this point. But it’s swelling exponentially by the second, and becoming even darker in shade as the minutes pass. Not to mention, I can’t move the joint at all, let alone attempt to stand on it.
And, while the lacerations might not be severe, disease is still prevalent. The last thing I want to die of is a fucking infection, but without those antibiotics in my pack, I’m as good as done for. I guarantee I’ll have some sort of fuck-all taking over my system by the end of the week if we don’t get them.
Without proper wound care, bacteria can run wild, leading the infected person to feel incredibly sick and debilitated. If that happens, in this environment, and now with a bum ankle, I’m no better off than dead. Might as well shoot me now. But I can’t think like that. I have to remain positive. For all our sakes.
“You can be honest, you know. You don’t need to keep up the tough guy façade. It’s just me here.” She smiles as she reverses what our hands are doing, taking mine in both of hers. It’s comforting, knowing that I could break down with her and she’d be completely acceptant of it. Not that I’m going to. I need to be strong. For her. For Hawk and Jax. Most of all, for myself.
I glide my hand up her arm and over her shoulder, grasping her jaw and pulling her towards me so I can rub my thumb across her cheek. Her eyes are glassy with fear but... God, she’s so fucking beautiful. Even while caked with mud and soaking wet, absolutely nothing could shake her perfection. At least I have the privilege to bask in her radiance while we wait.
I’m positive she’s worried about Jax and Hawk just as much as my hobbled ass. Hell, I’m worried about them, too. They’ve been gone for a while now, and with no way to communicate with them, there’s no way to know for sure that they’re unharmed. But I’ll keep believing that they’re fine, and that I’ll be fine as well, because that’s just about the only thing Icando.
Pushing away a stray piece of hair that’s fallen over her face, I take a serious note and answer her question. “Apart from my foot, I’ll be fine. And if I’m not, we’ll handle it then. We can’t control everything in the world, obviously, so let’s control what we can and enjoy this time together. Regardless of what comes.”
She takes a shaky breath, doing her best to keep herself from falling apart, but it’s right there on the edge, ready and waiting to take the plunge. I can’t help but want to reassure her. To even give her a bit of hope, a tiny bit of light in the darkness we’re surrounded in. “Why worry about something that isn’t set in stone. We’re here now—I’mhere now—and that’s all that matters in the end.”
She sniffles, wiping a stray tear from her eyelash, but in the end nods her understanding.
“That’s my girl. Always so strong. So tough. So beautiful. All the time.” My praise makes the side of her lips pull up into a reluctant smile. It’s everything I could ever need or want. If I could, I’d live on just her smile alone, it’s that powerful. “I love you. Always and forever, gorgeous. And don’t worry about what may or may not happen in the future; I don’t plan on leaving you anytime soon. And I keep to my promises, right?”
“Promises...,” she mutters softly, looking off in the distance. Her lips jump as she releases a timid huff of a laugh but, after a second, her happiness retreats like the waves underneath us, her somber aura returning. It makes me beyond curious. Makes me ache to see her smile return right this instant. To scare away her lingering fears just so she can shine again, even for a single moment of peace.
“What’s jumped into your head, just now?” I ask, making her smirk return and my heart leap at the sight.
“You mean like that time you promised to teach me the meaning of ‘restraint’ when I wouldn’t stop pestering you? You ended up tying my arms and legs to the bed posts all night.” She smiles finally, fully-charged and blinding, while laughing through the tears at the memory, as do I. That… was a great night. We worshiped her body together from dusk ‘til dawn, over and over and over again, all while her hands and feet were bound for our enjoyment.
“Hey, it worked. You managed to keep your hands to yourself all night. I think it taught you a valuable lesson, little miss.”
“What’s that? That if I poke and tickle you enough, I get to have a night full of orgasms? Oh yeah… definitely taught me a thing or two,” she says with a deviant smile.
“Oh, you’re such a little conniving brat, but I love you all the more for it. Come here, beautiful.” I go to pull her closer, but my strength is waning. She sees my struggles and shuffles over to me, not mentioning my growing weakness. If we talk about it as a problem, then it becomes one. No. Ignorance is bliss. And there’s no one I’d rather be blissful with than her.
I lift up slightly on my elbow while I pull her face down to mine, softly caressing my lips over hers before pressing deeper. This woman…Thisgoddess… has a hold on me like no other. She is mine, and I am hers, body and soul. And since this body isn’t mine, I’d better fix it up quickly so I can get back to prime condition for my girl.
Chapter Twenty
Aly
He is so full of shit.
I know it’s worse than he’s letting on and it’s frustrating as hell to not get a real answer from him, but I understand why he’s playing it down and I love him all the more for it. It’s like he said,‘Why worry about something that isn’t set in stone.’
I let his words sink in and let them guide me. Just like he has before, Cole, even in his injured state, is able to calm my overactive mind, and allow me to ground myself with the present. You can’t change the past, and you can’t possibly know the future. You can only take each day as the gift it is and make the most of it.
Truthfully, regardless of his encouragement to do otherwise, I’m still going to worry. And not just about Cole, either. Hawk and Jax are out there playing Captain Commando and doing end of the world shit while we’re here sunbathing on our budget cruise. Not knowing what’s going on aboutliterally anythingis definitely taking its toll.
Oh, my menopause, is that a grey hair?!
My eyes bug out as I examine the anxiety manifesting on my head. I pull at my hair, twisting my fingers around it while rubbing... vigorously. Some strands change color back to my original blonde, but for others, the ashy shade remains...
