Page 38 of Desiderium
Fucking apocalypse is aging my ass... Oh well, might as well get used to it. Bigger fish to fry than my freaking vanity right now.
Even if I try my absolute best to believe in Cole’s self-assessment and not be scared shitless the entire time, it’s still going to be there, lingering like a bad hangover at the back of my mind. But if I let myself focus on it too much, I’ll end up frozen, both mentally and physically. Terrified my worst fears are about to come to life and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. The only thing Icando, until we can confirm everyone’s out of hot water, is not let it take over. I need to control the tsunami of emotions welling up inside before I explode.
Yeah, cause self-control is totally what we do... Remember that time when we walked blindly in a poor attempt to locate Jax? We had no idea where the fuck he was. And then, instead of listening to the guys and staying put, we wound up getting adult-napped by a bunch of crazy ass rednecks who eagerly wanted to check our oil levels. Remember that? Yeah... We’re the epitome of self-control.
I side-eye my internal voice that’s being way too loud for her own good right now.
We all just need to focus. With Hawk luring the undead away and bringing a boat to us, as well as Jax stealing the supply-packed truck from the zombie-covered estate, I’m sure Cole will be fine. He just needs those antibiotics, and the guys just have to return safe and unharmed.
He still hasn’t shown any outward signs of transitioning, as a result of getting mauled. Without any real knowledge of any incidents resulting from such an injury, it’s hard to predict what may or may not happen. But, once again, I’m reminded,‘Why worry about something that isn’t set in stone.’
It's gonna be my damn mantra until all of this is over…
I need to keep reminding myself that Cole’s a medical professional. If he senses anything taking a turn for the worse, he’d let one of us know. The fact that he loves and cares for each of us tells me he’d inform us even sooner than necessary.
A soft sound in the distance catches my attention, making me turn around, seeking its source. The floating raft we’re occupying is just off the shoreline, where a handful of weeping willows dip their branches into the water, blocking my view of the bend I know is just beyond them.
“I stroke it to the east.”
The muted words, as well as the sound of something repeatedly hitting the water, filter through the branches.
“I stroke it to the west.”
I can’t see who’s singing, although, I’m pretty sure I know who it is.
“And I stroke it to Aly ‘cause I love her the best!”
“Oh, for fuck sakes….” I turn my head and see Cole shaking his, laughing under his breath. When I turn back around, I see Hawk rowing the wooden boat slowly around the bend, brushing the willow branches aside as he passes by.
“There she is! The most beautiful woman in all the world!” Hawk says with a smile, his voice a little hoarse. It crackles and rises like he’s a pubescent teenager all over again.
Now that I’m finally seeing him in person—safe and alive—I feel like another part of my heart is back to working order. Like a cog properly placed back where it belongs. It still won’t be completely functional until I know Jax is safe as well, but I feel like I can breathe just a little bit easier.
He maneuvers the little row boat over to the side of the raft and heaves himself up the ladder, immediately stalking over to me when he reaches the top. His hands lift and wrap around my shoulders, pulling me into his embrace, kissing my forehead as his hands cup my cheeks. “Fuck, sweetheart, you ok?” He whispers, his gaze diving deep into my soul with the question and I know he’s not just asking about my health, but also if anything had changed with respect to Cole’s condition.
“I’m ok...We’reok.” I nod, thankful and relieved I didn’t have to fulfill the mission Jax assigned to me as we parted at the estate. Hawk nods a few times in response, hiseyelashes fluttering a few times as he processes. I notice a few things, about him visually, that appear to be off but nothing seems to be causing him any harm. I still need to know, though. “You?”
“I’m all good. No bites or scrapes or any of that.”
Hating the inches between us, I wrap my arms around his neck, dragging his tall ass down to me and squeezing him, as well as all the air out of his lungs, at his confirmation.
“Oh, thank God.” My words shake as they leave my lips, my terror alive within them.
We hold each other for a few more seconds before we separate. I didn’t realize how mentally drained I was until multiple tears escape my eyes. Even my hands have joined the relieved party as they start to tremble. I clench them a couple of times before I’m finally able to calm myself but, of course, I should have known Hawk would have helped in that department eventually.
“And who’s the best little puppers in all the land?” He turns and bends down to accommodate Sadie’s stompy happy feet right behind him. “That’s right! That’s you Sadie! That’s you!” He claps his hands, cooing to Sadie while I stand back, smiling at the carefree interaction. “What a good girl you are, keeping all the bad things away from them. Jax is gonna give you all the treats, you know that?!” He runs his hands through her fur for a minute or so until she flops back down onto the dock, satisfied with her approval.
“And how’s the best boy in all the world?” I can’t keep my laughter in as Hawk turns his baby-talk to Cole who just rolls his eyes. “That’s right! That’s you! Who’s a bigboy? You are!” Hawk pats his knees playfully, intermittently pointing at Cole lying on the sunbaked wooden planks.
“Ok, ok, fuck off… dick,” Cole says playfully.
Hawk takes a couple of steps to where Cole is spread out and crouches to his level, his effervescent personality evaporating to stern seriousness in an instant. “Good to go, Doc?”
Cole lets out a heavy breath. “Fubared and ready. Let’s get this crazy train rollin’.”
“Atta boy. Come on, let’s get you in the boat.” Hawk picks Cole up and positions himself under an arm, acting as a human crutch. They walk together to the edge of the dock, while I help Sadie down into the dingy. It takes a bit of shuffling on their part but we each, eventually, make it into the boat without capsizing it.
It's not a large vessel by any means. In fact, I don’t even think it’s made for four people. Two at the most, probably. But as always, we adapt and overcome. Or, as Tim Gunn says, ‘Make it work!’
