Page 45 of Desiderium
Ahem...I’m sorry, and please excuse my dear Aunt Sally, but what in the fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuck is going on right now?
I was fully ready for Jax to go Super Saiyan like those dudes on Dragon Ball Z but I’ll totally take this for the progress it is. Looks like we need to get Cole back into action ASAP so he can wrangle Jax back into some ropes cause, apparently, that shit’s fucking effective.
We dump the water into the mugs and pour the coffee powder directly in it before stirring. There’s no sugar or creamer so black is the new brown for today. I take a sip and make a face. “Ugh… that is not good bean juice. No sir. Nope. Not one bit.”
He cuts a sharp look at me over the rim of his. “Drink it anyways. We’re gonna need it.”
I take a deep breath and hoover down the entire disgusting thing before turning, grabbing Aly’s and delivering it to her. She sits up eagerly when she sees me with it but I lift my hand in warning. “It’s fuel, not flavor. Down the hatch, sweetheart.”
She does as I say and chugs, not coming up once, but when she’s done, I can instantly see the regret in her eyes. She makes a face, lowering the mug before smacking her lips, dragging her tongue in and out of her mouth in a fool’s attempt to get the taste out. “Yeah, that’s not…” She shakes her head. “That’s not pleasant. At—”
“Aly, you’re gonna join me today,” Jax interrupts her.
“Join you? What’re we doing?”
“We gotta head back out and get the supplies from the truck. It’s not far away and seeing as we need to stay here for the foreseeable future until Cole gets better, we need to stock up with what we can. Looking through the cupboards, there’s not much of anything here to eat and you might not have recognized it by rowing over here, but this is actually just on the other side of the town you were hiding out in. According to what Hawk and Cole have told me about their scouting, most of this town is gutted out. I don’t know if there are any houses left that have anything we can use at this point. The one thing wedoknow is where the food and suppliesare; we just have to get them.”
Aly turns her gaze to Cole, lying still on the floor. He hasn’t moved yet this morning and I can see the longing in her eyes to stay with him until he does so. “I can go withyou,” I say in her place. “Aly can stay here with Cole and we can get in and out and be back by noon.”
“No, Hawk. It’s Aly’s turn. She knows the drills. She knows what to do. Besides, I need someone looking out for Cole in case something turns up here. Aly’s good, but I’d rather her not have to go up against something by herself.” Jax doesn’t say it, but I know what he means.
He left Aly on Cole-watch when we separated at the estate. Since I was checking over Cole one last time before we left them, I don’t think Jax meant for me to overhear, but I knew, deep in the pit of my guts, he tasked her to take him out if he turned. Now, faced with the same decision of separating our group, he doesn’t want to place that burden on her all over again. And he can’t ask me to take his place because I have no idea where he left the truck with all the gear. Even though the last thing I want is to be placed on transition watch, I’m the only choice left.
“Ok, then.” I nod, resigned to my task. “Aly, I love you. Be safe. You kids have fun but don’t stay out too late. It’s a school night after all,” I say with a fake smile as light heartedly as I can. Even though she sees through my shit, she still nods back before kissing me on the cheek. Pulling away, reluctantly, she joins Jax, leaving through the front door moments later.
The sound of the old ass station-wagon turning over and leaving echoes through the house and then, before I know it, silence. Deafening silence. I don’t like it.
I fidget with my fingers for a second before blowing out a slow breath and taking a seat next to Cole’s prone body.He’s still out. No movement apart from the rise and fall of his back.
I don’t get it. Why him? Why couldn’t it have been me? I’d gladly take his place if given the chance, as fucked up as this whole situation is, but how else am I supposed to feel? He’s my brother. Not from the same blood, obviously, but you don’t have to be blood to be family. And he’s mine. Ours.
“Come on, bro, wake up. Time for some shitty ass coffee.” The words come out in a mocking singsong as I push on his shoulder, trying to wake him up.
Nothing.
“Aly’s looking pretty scrumptious, this morning. Bet you wanna take a look at what we’re seeing. Pretty awesome, bro. Don’t wanna miss out on that.”
Nothing.
I lift my hand to his hair, softly grasping a few strands. After we left the estate, we each let our hair grow out a bit. No real priority to do anything about it when you’re just trying to survive. We still shaved or trimmed our facial hair from time to time, but the rest of it? Didn’t matter in the long run. Aly didn’t mind and we certainly didn’t either when she ran her fingers through our hair. “You need a haircut, my man.Bad. We need to set that shit up ASAP before Aly dumps your ass for someone hotter.”
More silence.
I look around at the white furnishings. The static quarantined feeling of emptiness surrounding me. Theunease of it all filling me. I try to drown it out, focus on the one thing still alive in front of me, and let the seconds pass.
Then minutes...
An hour...
...
Two...
The sun has shifted noticeably in the window.
Nothing...
I’ve been sittinghere with him this entire time, trying to jostle him into consciousness and he’s giving me fucking nothing. Something has to be wrong. He should’ve been up by now. Looking at his bandaged back, I’m positive he’s going to need some pain meds. What the fuck is going on?
