Page 49 of Desiderium
I grab my dick, notching it at her entrance but not needing to do anything else as she lifts her hips and drives down, sheathing my cock in one fell swoop.
“Fuuuuck....”The sudden movement catches me off guard but feels so good, jolting my hips into action as I piston them against her in return. It’s fast. Hard. Punishing. But even with its brutality, we refuse to look away from one another. Fucking our collective pain away while finding solace in each other’s souls. Healing each other through the intimate act.
After a few minutes, we come together. Our chests heaving and skin covered in sweat as we drift together on a sea of weightlessness. I know this doesn’t help our predicament in the long run, but hopefully, it resets Aly. Gives her a moment of peace in the storm we’re weathering.
“Come back to me, baby.” My thumb caresses her cheekbone, bringing her attention back to me, her clear eyesfocusing on mine once again. She also seems to be breathing more steadily and her shaking has ebbed.
“That’s it. That’s our girl. Come back to us. Come back for Cole. He needs you right now and we need to get back to him.”
“Ok.” She purses her lips, releasing a heavy breath but nods determinedly.
“Ok?”
“Yeah…. Yeah. Let’s go.” Taking another deep breath, she continues, the fire returning to her eyes as she sets herself to the task. “Let’s get this shit over with.”
I sigh, relieved she’s returned to her determined state, letting her mind focus rather than letting it drift away into darkness. “Good girl.” I kiss her on the forehead, grounding not only her but myself to the present as I whisper, “I love you… Always.”
“To the moon and back.”
We kiss each other one more time before separating, and, without worrying about getting dressed, take our seats in the front of the station wagon once again. A short while later, the abandoned supply truck comes into view. We find our clothes in the mix and get dressed, then load up what we can. The station wagon is significantly smaller compared to the heavy-duty truck bed but we’re able to get about half our gear stowed in the hatchback. It’ll have to be good enough. We can always come back through and pick up the rest later on. But for now, we need to get back and see how Cole’s doing.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Aly
It’s been a day and a half.
Cole’s still sleeping where we left him. In fact, there’s been no movement from him whatsoever. No flinch. No shiver. Nothing.
I’m beyond worried. It’s obvious when I can’t refrain from touching him. My hands, cradling his, have been situated as such for hours now, restlessly rubbing soft circles on the back of one, hopelessly nudging him to wake up, to come back to us and let us know he’s ok.
Hawk sat by me for hours, silently, patiently waiting for Cole to give us a sign of something besides his steady breathing patterns. It should be reassuring that he’s, at least, still breathing, however it does little to calm my anxious heart. The simple sign should be enough to bring relief to us with the knowledge that he’s stillalive, but he should’ve woken up by now. The fact that he hasn’t is making us all more than a little irritable.
When waiting in limbo got to be too much, Hawk lifted his shaking hands to my face, gently holding the pieces of my heart together in his palms as he kissed me softly on the lips, then graced a kiss at my temple, before rising to his feet and leaving the room without a word. A sharp thud echoed from down the hallway, followed shortly after by the front door opening and slamming shut.
He’s been missing since then, leaving a hole in both our hearts and the wall upon his exit. I know deep within my soul he’ll be back when he’s ready. Even though we were both startled by it, neither Jax nor I reacted to his outburst, confident we would both do the same if we had the energy.
Even still, it’s unusual to see him this way. Normally, he’s the one to take everyone’s minds off of the dark. But what do you do when you’re the one surrounded by it? Drowning in it?
It's plain to see the relationship between Jax, Cole and Hawk. They’re as close as anyone could possibly be to another person without having intimate relations. But now that Cole and Hawk have been getting closer—the boundaries bending, their feelings becoming more intense—it’s enough to break a person.
I know how he feels.
It's why I haven’t moved.
I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t want to miss him waking up. Or, God forbid…
No. He’s going to wake up. He will. Hemust. We stopped the blood loss. He’s still breathing. He has a pulse.
He’s fucking fine, Goddammit.
A single tear slides its traitorous trail down my cheek. I’m surprised there are any more left to fall with the amount I’ve already given up today. My outburst during the supply run wasn’t anticipated but, let’s face it, definitely probable. How else am I supposed to handle everything that’s going on? Be stoic? Numb? I’ve never been one to hide my feelings in any capacity, so it’s quite conceivable that the emotions surrounding Cole’s struggles would inevitably prevail. It’s becoming too much. Thewhat ifsare piling up. The rage for the world as we know it, overwhelming.
If he dies, I will personally see to it that everything burns. I know Hawk would stand at my side, give me the tools I’d need and smile at my vengeance. Then, Jax would be there to pull me back in before I completely lost myself. Cole is too good of a man to fall this way and I’ve had just about enough of the world’s bullshit. I will reign havoc on the land and it will know my sorrow and loss.
Jax is beside me, changing Cole’s bandages and reapplying antibiotic ointment as he holds his own silent vigil. None of us has said more than a few words since Jax and I got back this afternoon, but now it’s late evening and the lines between each of our brows are prominent.
Another tear falls.
