Page 47 of Letters of Faith
“No, Gray. I’m not.”
“Why?”
The question is simple and heartbreaking. It shows me so much of this man that I never sawbefore.
“Because you’re one of my best friends, and sometime over this year, my feelings for you have started to change. But—I need you to be patient with me. I’m this mix of guilt and excitement, and I don’t know what to do with that. I can’t define this feeling yet, Gray, but I can tell you it’s more than friendship.”
His breath fans across my face as he lets out a huff—a mix of frustration and acceptance.
“I can understand that.”
“Good because I’m not going anywhere, but I need time. I can’t say I’m not grieving Nate. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. When I got that letter this morning, I was conflicted because I made vows to my husband, but I also recognized that my feelings for you have grown. Just—be patient with me, okay?”
I watch as his lips tip up in the smirk that I’ve come to love, a dimple poking in on his cheek. His hand reaches up, smoothing my hair behind my ear, and my goodness, I must have been starved for human touch because I feel that one touch through my whole body.
“I can do that,” he says, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my forehead.
A happy sigh escapes from my lips. It’s strange how today is a drastic contrast to yesterday, but honestly, that’s grief. Some days, it’s like being pulled down by the tide, while other days, I can keep my head above water. But today, it finally feels like I’m happily paddling to shore.
“Can we talk about your family for a minute?” I ask.
Grayson scrunches his face up in a grimace. We’ve avoided discussing this situation since Kip showed up that first day. He filled me in on the basics enough that I was protective of him, but meeting Brooks, Emryn, and Avery today changed how I see things. Grayson may not realize it, but there was a peacefulness about him that I’ve never seen before as he let his niece color on his skin. I think she filleda piece of his soul that’s been missing for a long time.
“I suppose we have to since they keep popping up and encroaching on my space.”
Smiling, I run my finger down the bridge of his nose. “I think you secretly love that they do. They’re growing on you.”
He narrows his eyes in a glare, but he can’t hide from me—I see him.
“Yeah—like mold,” he grumbles.
A full belly laugh bubbles out as I smile up at him. His face remains passive, but a slight twitch in his mouth and a crinkle at the corner of his eyes give him away.
“Personally, I think you are more like your brother than you want to admit. I wasn’t Brooks’s biggest fan at first, but this is the second time he’s sought you out. He wants to be a part of your life. I’m not saying you have to let him in all the way, but maybe start small.” Tilting my head towards his refrigerator, I smile. “There has to be a reason you still have that birthday invitation up there.”
“Yeah, I needed a little decoration.”
The man is stubborn.
“You keep telling yourself that,” I say, patting his chest.
He glares down at me before his face turns pensive.
“Can I ask you something while we are on the topic?”
“Of course,” I say, pulling out a bar stool and sitting down. I can see the wheels turning in his mind as he shoves his hand through his hair. He’s never been much for talking, so I’ll wait until he’s ready.
“It’s stupid, but Brooks got a tattoo on his arm. I saw it today before we came into the kitchen with you guys. It’s a bible verse. I guess I could have asked him what it meant, but I refuse to give that little annoyance an inch more than he’s already taken. He might think I like him or something, so I was wondering if you could tell me.”
It’s not what I was expecting, and I’m probably not the best person to talk to him about this. But—I can hear Nate’s voice in my head askingme not to lose my faith before he died. I did, though. Today, when my car was sliding across the road, it was the first time I’ve talked to God in a long time. Maybe talking to Grayson about this is the next step in slowly finding my way back to my faith and God.
“First off, you won’t be able to hide from Brooks forever. He’s kind of like you—stubborn. Second off, what verse was it?”
“Jeremiah 29:11.”
“Do you have a bible here?” I ask.
He looks at me sheepishly, a blush creeping along his face before he nods and sprints out of the room. I can’t think of one time I’ve ever seen Grayson blush. Now, I’m curious.
