Page 59 of Letters of Faith
Love,
Nate
Chapter 25
Georgia
At this point, I should be used to receiving letters from Nate, but every time I see his handwriting on another envelope, there’s a drop in my stomach. I didn’t think much about where they were coming from at first, but now I can’t help but wonder who else knows about them.
“What are you looking at?” Grayson asks, coming up behind me in the kitchen.
He hugs me from behind, and I let my head drop to his shoulder. I can’t help remembering how we stood here in this kitchen a year ago after Nate’s funeral. It was a day I never thought I would heal from, but I have. My steps are slow, but I’m getting there, mainly with the help of the man behind me. And the more I think about Nate’s letter, the more I realize he’s right. I also have to heal my relationship with God, so my next step is going to church.
“Another letter.”
“What are we doing this time?” There’s no hesitation in his question. He’ll help me without even knowing what the letter says.
“I don’t think you’ll like this one,” I say, turning in his arms and offering him the letter to read.
Church for Grayson means a lot of people who wrote him off, but if he can help heal me, maybe I can help heal that church hurt for him.
He winces as he reads over it, then looks at me.
“I’ll go with you, but you’re right—I don’t like it.”
“Gray, I know you’re angry, but have you ever stopped to consider that you’re angry at the people and not at God?”
His body stiffens against me. It’s a topic he doesn’t want to talk about, but he’s not getting out of it so easily.
“Come on. Talk to me,” I say, reaching up and tugging on his jaw so he’s looking down at me.
“I quit caring about what the people in this town think a long time ago.”
The sadness in his eyes is crushing—though he’s trying to hide it—but I can still see that little boy who acted out every chance he could to get someone’s attention. That boy has just become a man who throws himself into creating a successful business, so those people still see him.
“That’s not true, Gray,” I say. “And you know it.”
Wrenching out of my arms, he turns so his hands rest against the counter.
“Why do you have to push this?” he asks, anger lacing his voice.
It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him mad at me. Business partners? Sure, all the time. People in town? Probably more than that. But me? Never.
“Why are you getting so mad?” I counter.
His shoulders are rigid. He’s trying to push me away—to shut off the conversation before he has to talk about how he feels—but I won’t let him. I run my hand over his back. He stiffens even more, but he doesn’t pull away.
“Talk to me. Let me see all of you,” I beg.
“I don’t want to care, okay? I am a grown man. I don’t need the people in this town to approve of me, but for some unknown reason, I want them to. And as for God, didn’t you just tell me that you werestill angry at him, too? Why am I not allowed to be?”
“Look at me, Grayson,” I say, pulling on his arm until he turns around. He refuses to meet my eye, though, looking off to the side and clenching his jaw. “I’m not saying that you can’t be angry. The people here have been unfair to you, but God isn’t the sum of those who pretend to know him. I at least know what much. And you’re right—I’m still so angry that I think it might suffocate me, but I know if that I don’t eventually get over that anger, then I’m never going to heal—and healing for me means being with you, so I’m willing to work on it. I’m going to trust that Nate understood something about faith that I still haven’t learned. What about you? Are you willing to heal?”
Pursing his lips, he huffs out a breath.
“I guess we’re going to see, aren’t we?”
His answer isn’t exactly what I hoped for, but it’s a start.
