Page 105 of Redemption
“So you say now, but who was the one whining when the gossip about that girl’s return to town didn’t reach you, leaving you with a black eye, hmm?” He punctuates his point with a slurp of his milkshake, and he must have hit the end of it because he points to mine and asks, “Are you going to drink that?”
I roll my eyes, handing it to him as I walk toward the kitchen to grab some real breakfast. Silas follows like a lost puppy, sipping on his milkshake.
“Have you been thinking about what I said?” Silas asks between sips.
Pulling eggs out of the refrigerator and a pan from the cabinet, I send him a look over my shoulder, “You say a lot of things, Silas. Which one are we talking about right now?”
He narrows his eyes. “You know, boy, you’ve got a lot of sass for this early in the morning.”
“Says the man drinking a milkshake and spreading gossip at seven in the morning,” I mumble. With the stovetop on, I keep my attention on my eggs that are starting to cook, so I’m not ready when he walks up beside me and flicks my ear. “Hey, what was that for?”
“Your sass. Now tell me, have you found God anywhere lately?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe isn’t a good enough answer, boy, so spit it out.”
“Still the answer you’re going to get.”
“Ugh. Why do you have to be such a fun killer? Fine. Tell me about this maybe. ”
Sighing, I resign myself to being a part of the older man’s antics. A piece of toast I’d thrown in the toaster pops up, and I grab it, flipping my egg on top and taking a bite.
When I’ve finished chewing, I set the plate down and turn so my back is against the counter.
“I don’t know, Silas. There isn’t much to it. I’m trying to see the redemption you think I deserve because maybe then I won’t feel like I’m betraying my best friend by loving his little sister. But then I tried to pray…I just can’t see how God would want much to do with me. My choices led to my best friend’s death.”
Silas puts down his milkshakes. “First, that’s the closest you’ve ever come to telling me what happened that day. I know you left football because of the guilt, but I never realized it was that heavy. Second, you’re no Saul. You’re a Paul.”
“Silas,” I say, rubbing my temples where a headache is starting to form. “Can you just say what you mean? I can’t handle riddles this morning.”
“Sure, but first, let me ask you a question. How are you planning to help this boy, Tanner, see his worth when you can’t even see your own?”
“That’s not—that’s different.”
“Is it? How?”
“Because he’s a kid, and the choices he is making are a direct result of the adults in his life.”
Silas grunts. “Seems to me you were just a kid when your friend died, too.”
“Maybe, but I’m a grown man now.”
“And what choices have you made as a grown man that seem irredeemable?”
“Isn’t the choice that murdered my best friend enough?”
“No, Hayes, it isn’t. First of all, because I’m not sure I believe that’s exactly how it went down—I’ve heard the rumors.”
I slap my hands against the counter, not even feeling the sting. My fingers curl around the edge, knuckles turning white from gripping it so hard.
“Dang it, Silas. It’s time you stop listening to rumors.”
It’s the harshest I’ve ever spoken to Silas, but people weren’t there. They didn’t hold the lifeless hand of their best friend, begging God for a chance to change the choices they made. It’s why I should do the right thing and leave MJ alone, but I’m selfish—that was proven the day Langston died. If there isn’t redemption for me anyway, I might as well make the choice that gets me her.
Grabbing my food, I shove it in my mouth to keep from having to say anything else.
“I can see that you’re a little grumpy today. We’ll put a pin in this conversation for another day, but Hayes—” he stops until I look up from my plate at him. My mouth is full, so I don’t bother answering. “I’m proud of you, no matter what, and if I can feel that way as a flawed human, so can God.”
