Page 132 of Redemption
A mountain of paperwork awaits me when I get back.
“She’s nice.” Tanner’s voice pulls my gaze to him. The streetlights illuminate the side of his face. He sits tall, looking out the front window and fingers tugging at his seat belt.
“Bella?” I ask. The look he gives me conveys how dumb he thinks I am for that question. “Sorry. Yes. Bella. Nicer than you thought she would be?”
“Yeah. Less annoying, too. I didn’t really give her a chance.”
I chuckle. “We usually don’t.”
His brow frumples. “What do you mean?”
Shrugging, I say, “We are so quick to look at the surface level that we forget to look deeper.”
“Are you speaking from experience?”
I think of Theo.
I really dislike that guy, but have I let my annoyance over his fascination with MJ prevent me from looking deeper?
I can’t blame the guy for liking the girl I’m obsessed with. That would make me a hypocrite.
“Absolutely.”
Tanner laughs, and I think it’s the first time I’ve seen the kid genuinely smile. My lips tug up.
“Bella talks about Jesus, and I—I’ve never really heard about him the way she talks about him.”
“What do you mean?” I ask. Sweat beads in my hairline. I wanted Tanner to talk to me, but I wasn’t expecting this.
He turns, looking out the window, and from his reflection, I can tell that the smile on his lips has vanished. “I don’t know. Love has always been conditional for me. My mom loves me—but only if I meet the image she wants. Eric loves me—but only if I get a scholarship. And my dad—well, that’s a whole other story. Everyone loves me, but only if I give them the version they want to love. And I think—I think I’ve started to love myself the same way. But Bella—she talks about God like he’ll love me no matter how many times I screw up. I really want that to be true, Coach.”
My heart pumps hard in my chest.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here.
I’ve convinced myself I wasn’t worthy of Godly love for years.
Was it actually that I couldn’t love this version of me?
I don’t have the answer to those questions, so I take the easy way out and hate myself for it.
“God loves everyone, Tanner.”
Except people who are to blame for their best friend’s death.
It’s a platitude I can’t bring myself to believe, but if it helps Tanner, I’ll lie and say I do.
“Everyone?” Tanner huffs. “Even that creep, Morgan?”
I give him a side-eye. “Yeah, even him.”
Tanner nods, not looking completely convinced.
“It’s the last street on the left up here,” he says, thankfully ending the conversation.
Flicking on my blinker, I make the turn.
The street we are on is different from what I expected. Based upon interactions with Josephine and Eric, I expected the neighborhood to be ostentatious, but this neighborhood is anything but.
