Page 145 of Redemption
Laughing into his shirt, I say, “You’re not half as scary as you think.”
“You’re killing my ego, baby.” His hand strokes over my hair. “Look at me.”
I lift my head just enough to meet his eyes.
“Sometimes the best things for us are the scariest, but you’ll never know until you try.”
My hands are clenching his shirt, so I poke my fingers into his chest. “When did you get so wise?”
His answering smile is beautiful. “I’ve always been. You just have never listened before. But the question is, are you going to listen now?”
“I guess I’ll listen, just this once, but if you’re wrong, I’m never letting you hear the end of it.”
And when he laughs, I want to memorize the sound and play it again and again as my favorite memory. “I would expect nothing less, MJ.”
______________________
“Stop fidgeting. You’re acting like a toddler.”
“I can’t help it. I’m nervous.”
My mom and I are headed to the football game. Hayes was right. I do need to face this. I’ve faced a lot of hard things this past year, and if I can survive those, then I can survive this.
I invited my mom along for two reasons. One, because I want to continue to heal our relationship, which means spending time with her—even in my most vulnerable moments, and two, I think she needs to do this, too. Langston was her son, and if I’m going to remember the good parts of my brother’s memory, I want it to be with her.
She places her hand on top of my, which is resting on my gear shift. I glance over at her. There’s a vulnerable set to her shoulders. “I’m nervous, too.”
Surprise drops my mouth. “You are? Nothing rattles you, and when I asked you to come, you didn’t even blink an eye. I was a blubbering mess when Hayes asked me.”
Her fingers tighten around my hand. “I’ve just gotten good at hiding it over the years, Mallorie Jade. My world required itgrowing up. I was taught to feel in silence. I never realized that feelings could be so loud until I raised you.”
I scoff. “Yup, that’s me—loud.”
“Well, yes, honey, you are quite loud, but that’s not what I mean. You aren’t afraid to show your emotions. You let them out, even if they make others uncomfortable. I wish I could be more like you. I’m learning, though.”
My eyebrows raise. “You want to be like me?”
She nods her head. “In every way it counts.”
Tears sting my eyes. For so long, I’ve felt like I could never live up to her expectations, but those words feel like she sees the real me and isn’t ashamed of the woman I’ve become.
“Now,” she says, clearing her throat, “Let’s discuss the matter of Hayes. Did you kiss him again like I suggested?”
The conversation switch is so abrupt that I have to laugh. “Yeah, Mom. I did.”
“Anndddd?” she prods.
I shrug. “You were right. Sometimes, you need a second chance to right the wrongs.”
“And have you righted all the wrongs?”
I think about the game we are about to attend and then what Silas said about God. All the pieces of my life are not in the puzzle yet, but a picture is slowly starting to form.
“I’m working on it.”
“Then I’m proud of you.”
Those words are like a shot to my heart in all the best ways. I never dreamed I would ever hear them from her. It’s healing to the pieces of me that I didn’t realize were still broken.
