Page 46 of Redemption
He stares at me, and I’m afraid he can see right through me, past all the bravado I put on, and straight to where all my secrets are buried.
I won’t let him see me there, though, because some things are meant to stay secret—to die with the person who holds them. Besides, I let him in that place once—it nearly ruined me. I won’t survive letting him in a second time.
“There’s more, though, isn’t there?” he says, holding my gaze. “There’s something you aren’t telling me.”
“His behavior has changed,” I say, dropping my voice so it’s barely above a whisper.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. The kid is not Langston, MJ.”
My head jerks up so fast it feels like I’m spinning. “Do you think I don’t know that, Hayes?” I yell. “Do you think I want to go through this experience again with anyone else? Newsflash: I don’t, but I am obligated to care for my patients. Right now, he’s my patient. I’m not saying he is Langston, Hayes, but I’m saying the signs are there. Signs that I—we both missed last time. Do you want to miss them again? Because personally, I won’t survive it.”
My shoulders heave as I try to catch my breath.
Hayes’s jaw works from side to side, and then he rubs his hand down his face.
“I’ll watch him. But that’s all I’m promising. I’m not going to look for Langston in every kid I see. We didn’t save him. We couldn’t, but we can’t redeem ourselves by finding someone else to help. We don’t get that redemption, MJ—not now, not ever.”
An arrow shot directly at my heart would hurt less than what he said, but that’s only because it’s true.
Redemption is only meant for those who can be saved.
Hayes and I are long past saving.
“That’s all I’m asking,” I say before giving him a sad look and walking away.
Chapter 15
Hayes
“What was that about?” Campbell asks.
He came out of the locker room while MJ and I were talking. I saw the curiosity on his face from across the field.
“You mean you don’t know? I thought you knew everything about her. ”
Campbell winces, and I puff out my cheeks, exhaling slowly.
It’s a low blow, one I shouldn’t have taken. He’s apologized—kind of—a few days after our fight, Campbell showed up at work with a coffee, a doughnut, and a sheepish grin on his face. It’s as close to an apology as I’m going to get, and in most circumstances, it would be enough, but standing next to MJ feels like every single one of my nerve endings is on fire. It’s a torture that I can’t help but love. “She’s the new school nurse.”
Campbell’s laugh is more of an unbelieving scoff than anything. “Little MJ? A nurse? No way.”
“They hired her at the last board meeting—the one you were supposed to be at with me to fend off Lily—remember?”
“Hey,” he says, throwing his hands up in innocence, “I got called in for a shift—that’s not my fault. Plus, didn’t you decide to be friends with Lily? Why would you need to fend her off?”
“I don’t think we were quite on the same page like I thought we were,” I say.
“Drama…” Campbell sing-songs. “Hey, tell me something. How is it that you get all the girls with that ugly mug? First MJ, then Lily, now MJ again. I mean, my face is much prettier than yours. What gives?”
“Better personality.”
His laugh is an all-out snort, and I can’t resist shoving him. He rolls backward, landing sprawled out on the ground with a knowing smile on his lips and clutching at his stomach with laughter.
I ignore him.
As I walk away, he doesn’t try to get up but calls from where he’s still lying, “Want to tell me about that board meeting because you and MJ looked awful cozy just then. Did she threaten to give you another black eye?”
I’m glad my back is to him so he can’t see when I wince at the thought of that tire iron connecting with my nose. It took four weeks, but I can finally breathe normally again.
