Page 71 of Redemption
Giggling, I nod in agreement, not because the room is too small. I could comfortably make a pallet on the floor, but the idea of Hayes sleeping in the same room makes me want to puke with nerves.
“I think I’ll stick with the hotel.”
Langston grins, throwing himself on the bed.
“I thought so.”
Turning, I take in the room. The walls are filled with the college’s football banners and nothing else. Langston is lying on his bed on one side of the room, and the covers are a mess as if he didn’t bother making it this morning. It seems to match his side of the room, though. Everything is in disarray, including his desk. There’s a bed on the other side that must be Hayes’s. It’s the exact opposite of Langston’s side—clean and orderly. It makes my throat ache a little because I’m getting a glimpse into Hayes’s private life that he never wanted to give me. As much as we talked at first, it was never about anything important. It was like he was holding back, even from the very beginning. I should have known then that he would never let me in, not when Langston was his best friend. I shouldn’t have expected him to either because other than the time he showed up at the jail, everyone always chooses Langston. He is, after all, the better one of the Harrison kids.
“Hey,” he says, sitting up on his elbows as if an idea suddenly just came to him. “There’s a party tonight. I wasinvited, and I wasn’t going to go since you were here. But if you want—”
My lip slips back between my teeth as I debate. On the one hand, I don’t want to get him in trouble here, but on the other, I crave a slice of freedom like I crave air.
In the end, the decision is simple.
“I’m in.”
Langston’s smile is bright on his lips as he says, “I’ve missed you, MJ.”
When I respond in turn, though, I can’t help but notice how his smile never reaches his eyes.
______________________
The music is blaring out the windows and front door as we walk up to the frat house where the party is.
I’m wearing cut-off jeans and one of Hayes’s long-sleeve shirts I found on his side of the room. It’s baggy and hangs past my shorts. I hope Hayes chokes on the sight of me. I haven’t seen him since I got here this afternoon, but Langston said he’d be here tonight.
Sweat slicks my hands, and I wipe them on the back of my legs. My body feels so heated I’m afraid I might combust in the cold air.
Langston stops before we reach the porch steps and turns towards me. “I’m trusting you not to get in trouble.”
I have to physically bite my tongue to keep from reminding him that the last time I got in trouble was because of him, but I’m not here to fight with him. I’m months from graduating high school. I’m eighteen and think I’ve earned the right to let down my hair a little. So, instead of starting a fight, I nod and say, “Aye, aye, Captain.”
Langston rolls his eyes but gives me a good-natured grin as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him.
Once inside, the music is nearly deafening, the bass thrumming in my ears. Langston still has his arm around my shoulder and leans down, yelling close to my ear so I can hear him. “I’m going to get us a drink. I’ll be back.”
I nod because, with the music this loud, there’s no way he can hear me if I respond.
Then he’s gone, weaving through the crowd.
Left on my own—again.
Weaving through the crowd of bodies, I search for someplace to be where I don’t feel like I’m too much—too loud, too quiet, too—me. That’s what it always feels like, and here, where I was only invited because of my older brother, it feels like I’m taking up too much space. So, I set out to find a place where I can make myself small, something I’m good at when I need to be. And as I walk, I keep my eye out for a set of gray eyes.
The people around me smell like alcohol and sweat, and it makes my stomach churn. I’m usually outgoing, but something about Langston and Hayes being in a place like this often makes me sick—especially with that look I saw earlier in Langston’s eyes.
Turning right, I head down a hallway that is less crowded than the rest of the house. Langston can come find me after he grabs the drinks.
I’m tired of trying to find him.
I keep weaving through people until the crowd thins so that I can at least breathe. By the sound of the conversation around me, there’s a smaller game room at the end of the hall, so I head there. Maybe I can find somewhere to sit and wait on Langston.
But like always, when I get there, I realize I made the wrong decision.
I’m good at making bad decisions, especially when it comes to the boy sitting on the couch in front of me with a girl on each side of him and his arms wrapped around them both.
I’ve never had a real boyfriend because I didn’t want to subject myself to the guys my parents would approve of, so I don’t actually know what heartbreak feels like. But if I were to guess, I would say it feels like someone is stepping on your soul and crushing you beneath their heel.
