Page 73 of Redemption
A laugh so bitter that it surprises even me escapes my lips. “Really, Hayes? That’s what you’re going with?”
“No—No, I’m just surprised. You caught me by surprise. You’re here and wearing my shirt—and I wasn’t ready for that.”
“Yeah, I think that was obvious,” I say, looking past his shoulder to the wall behind him.
I keep my face neutral. He saw the hurt of the initial reaction, but I won’t give him anything past that.
“I’m sorry, okay?”
“For what?” I ask. “That I had to see that you’re just another person whose life I don’t fit into? For not explaining that in person? Or for not telling me about Langston? Which one are you sorry for, Hayes?”
“Can’t it be all of them?”
I shake my head. “No, Hayes, it can’t be because you’re only sorry that I’m calling you on it.”
“That’s not true, Mallorie Jade,” he growls, and fire licks through my veins at the use of my real name.
Jumping out of my chair, I shove at his chest. “Don’t you talk to me like that, Hayes Miller.”
Our noses are inches apart, and my breath is erratic as I try to control my temper.
I’m tired of never being enough. Tired of begging people to love me more than my brother. And what does that say about me?
Hayes’s eyes stay on mine when he says, “It was me who didn’t fit into your life, MJ. I got here, and we talked every day. But I could hear the sadness in your voice because that’s all it was—talking. I wasn’t there to go to football games or take you on dates. Then there was this day that you called me, and it nearly broke me because you were missing out on a party some of the seniors were having at the waterfall so that you could talk to me. I realized you have a whole life to live this year without me. It’s your senior year, and you spent most of your nights waiting for me to get out of class so we could talk. I didn’t want that for you—and yeah, maybe I should have handled it differently, but I didn’t. I am sorry for that. You’ll never know how sorry I am for that—and for what you sawback there. Those girls are just friends, and I know it didn’t look that way—but I promise it’s the truth.”
His words are like an ice bucket on my anger. He’s right. I had been sad because of all the things I’d been missing out on, but what he got wrong was that I wasn’t missing out on them because of him. I’d never had a lot of friends outside of Langston and Hayes—not for lack of trying—but I just didn’t fit in. People were either too intimidated by my family’s last name or wanted to be my friend for the same reason. Sometimes it was both. I got tired of trying to discern people’s real intentions, so I stopped trying altogether. So, those memories I was missing out on were because I was too afraid I would feed the gossip that always seems to circulate in town about me. If he had bothered to ask me why I was sad, I would have told him that. But the fact is, he didn’t ask.
The fight drains out of me, and I sling myself back in the chair. Lacing my hands together, I stare at them and whisper, “I trusted you, Hayes.”
He sighs and sits down beside me. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“You should have told me about Langston at the very least.”
His teeth grind against each other as the muscle in his jaw jumps. “And what would I have told you? That the light in his eyes is missing? That’s not a lot to say, MJ. I was waiting until I could figure out what was happening with him.”
“Yeah, Hayes—that’s exactly what you should have said.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t.”
My whole body feels heavy with the ache inside my chest. “That seems to be the trend for the night. Just—I don’t know. Tell me what you’ve seen.”
Hayes shrugs. “That’s part of the reason I haven’t called. I wouldn’t question if it was anyone except Langston, but Langston hasn’t ever been the person to go against the rules. Now he’s partying all the time and drinking. It has not affectedfootball yet, but I’m scared it will. At first, I thought it was just him sowing the part of him that was smothered at home with your mom and dad, but now—I don’t know. The spark has gone out of his eyes, and that scares me.”
My throat aches from the tears I’m trying to repress as I say, “What are we going to do, Hayes?”
“I don’t know. I wish I did.”
Chapter 23
Mallorie Jade
“Hayes Miller is the most infuriating man I have ever met in my entire life.” The door slams behind me as I burst into my parents’ house.
It’s been three days since that kiss, and I haven’t heard a word from him—not even an apology. The man kisses me senseless and then doesn’t speak to me. Granted, I did run out of the house like my butt was on fire, but still, he ought to know that I need time to process things.
Unfortunately, I’m still processing. After three days, I still don’t know what that kiss—or the fact that I can’t stop thinking about it—means.
It all happened too fast. My lips were on his before I could even process what was happening, and when that kiss turned deeper, more delving, I woke up from that Hayes-induced fog and ran.
