Page 96 of Redemption
“Do you think they would still want this for him if they knew?” I ask, choosing each word carefully. She’s talking to me right now, but I’m afraid once the shock of seeing Langston like this wears off, she’ll push me away like she’s been doing since the day we decided to be friends—longer really.
Curling her nose in disdain, she barks out a laugh. It’s filled with anger and hate at all the things she cannot change—all the ways the people in her life have failed her, including me.
I’ve regretted my choice to push her away since the moment our eyes met at that party over a year ago. I thought I was protecting her, but I was just like everyone else in her life, assuming I knew what was best for her.
Now, I’m in a hell of my own making, and there’s nothing I can do to change it.
“If anything,” she says, balling her hands into fists, “it will only make it worse.”
Grunting, I lean back in my chair. “So what do we do?”
She shakes her head. “Today—we sober him up, and tomorrow, well, we take the tomorrows one day at a time.”
I sigh, letting the sound of my breath fill the silence. “Do you think he needs to go to rehab?”
MJ flinches, the word painful to both of us. No one wants to admit when the person they care about has a problem because it makes you question your own choices, like if there were things we could have done differently to prevent him from going down this path.
Each and every time I’ve found Langston like this, I’ve questioned our past and if I should have seen it sooner. I know MJ has, too.
“I don’t know, Hayes. Maybe—but not yet. We can give him a little longer,” she says, her voice breaking like glass, “—just a little longer.”
The break splinters me open, shattering every reservation I have with her until all I can think about is easing her pain. Without thinking, I wrap my hand around her wrist, feeling the broken beats of her heart thump under my fingers. She doesn’t put up a fight when I pull her to me, sitting her on my lap, and I send up a prayer, thanking God for that one small miracle.
Letting go of her wrist, I circle my arms around her and hold her, hoping that she understands that I’ve always wanted to be the one to take care of her—even on the days I didn’t show it.
Her head falls against my shoulder, cradling into my neck, and I breathe her in—vanilla and sass mixed together, and so uniquely her.
And I hear it now—the way my heart beats for her like I’m finally living for the first time since she stopped talking to me a year ago and then made that stupid deal to be friends.
Torture.
It’s been pure torture, only being her friend, watching as other men on campus flirt and try to steal her attention, but I’ve sat back and let it happen because I’ve interfered with her life enough.
She deserves to find happiness.
But right now, I’m too weak to resist this moment. Just for a second, I’ll pretend I can be that happiness for her.
“I’ve missed you, MJ,” I breathe into her hair. “I—”
Her whole body stiffens. “Don’t, Hayes. Not today. Not right now.”
“Oh, baby,” I say, smoothing my hand over her hair, “I can’t help it. I’ve missed you every day. Even on the days we talk, it’s like you’re holding a piece of yourself back. It’s killing me.”
She jerks back, pulling away, but I tighten my arms around her waist, not letting her leave me completely.
“And you choose now of all times to tell me this?” she asks, anger and something else—something I can’t quite identify—swirling in those blue irises of hers.
“Yes, MJ. But I should have been telling you every day since you walked out of my life a year ago. I should have made you sure you knew that I couldn’t live—heck, I couldn’t breathe—without you. I should have gotten down on my knees and begged you to let me love you.”
“So why didn’t you?” She challenges, straightening her spine like the queen she is.
She leans closer, her breathing mingling with mine, and my eyes slice to Langston, making sure he’s still asleep.
MJ catches the motion and once again tries to pull away. I know how she took that—like I’m ashamed of how I feel about her—but that cannot be further from the truth. I would scream it from the rooftop if she would let me, but Langston has a lot going on right now, and I don’t want to add more to it.
So I don’t kiss her like I want to. I hold myself back, but I drag my hand down the center of her spine, making sure to keep my touch light. And when a shiver runs down her spine, I know she feels what I’m feeling, too.
“Because I’m a stupid, stupid man,” I whisper.
