Page 98 of Redemption
I can hear myself say the words, but the thing about advice is that it’s easy to give but hard to follow. Since Langston died, I’ve taken his choices on my shoulders and made them mine.
It’s hard to let go of guilt when grief keeps you there. This situation with Tanner and Bella makes it difficult not to step back and examine how things actually happened with Hayes,Langston, and me. But even when something is staring you right in the face, it’s often easier to deny it.
Bella’s sniffles start to fade, and she lifts her head from my shoulder, wiping at the remnants of tears still on her face.
“Thanks, MJ. I’m sorry for the shirt,” she says, giving me a watery smile and pointing to my shoulder where there’s a wet stain.
“Anytime, Bella.”
She still looks sad when she hikes her backpack up higher on her shoulder and says, “I’ve got to go. My mom’s waiting on me, but—can you just maybe tell Tanner I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “No, Bella. I won’t because you have no reason to be sorry. You were only trying to be his friend, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t apologize to people you don’t owe apologies to.”
She chews on her lip, thinking about what I said before she nods and waves, walking out to meet her mom.
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My anger at Tanner doesn’t have time to fade as I march out the doors of the school to the bus.
Stomping up the steps, I stop beside the driver and let my eyes trail over the players until I find the one I’m looking for. He’s sitting in the back with his headphones in, not bothering to speak to anyone around him.
The other players must notice the rage on my face because as I walk down the aisle to where Tanner is sitting, they turn in their seats, making room for me to walk.
When I get to where he’s sitting, I stand beside him with my arms crossed, waiting for him to look up.
I know he sees me, but he keeps his eyes on his phone, ignoring me.
My temper flares, and I see red.
Yanking out his headphones, I grab his arm and pull him up from his seat and down the aisle.
“Hey, you can’t do that.”
I stop in my tracks and slowly turn to face him, rage simmering deep in my veins.
The smile I give him is anything but nice. “Why? Do you want to call up your stepdad and have me fired? Go ahead. It’s not like I need the job. I have plenty of money, Tanner, and here’s the thing about that—it gets hard to push people around when you can’t intimidate people with your status. You and your stepdad would do well to remember that.”
His mouth falls open, and I smirk, turning back around and dragging him the rest of the way down the aisle.
This is not normally how I would handle things with him, but thoughts of Langston and the idea that I might have failed him by not letting him face his own consequences have me doing things differently.
Hayes is getting on the bus at the same time we reach the steps. His eyes bounce between Tanner and me. They land on my hand on Tanner’s arm. The anger on my face must be evident because he backs down the steps without a word and follows me to the sidewalk as I drag Tanner along.
When we are far enough away from the bus so that the other boys can’t hear, I spin, placing my hands on my hips and glaring at the kid I want so desperately to help.
Standing beside me, Hayes asks, “What’s going on? What happened?”
But I ignore him, only focusing on Tanner.
“You know what, Tanner, there are a lot of people that care about you. Maybe you can’t see that, but there is. And I get that you are going through a rough patch—I get that more than you will ever know—but you can’t treat people like you did back there. You owe Bella an apology.”
He rolls his eyes, raising his voice. “I’ve already told you that I’m not apologizing. I just want to be left alone.”
“Hey,” Hayes says, stepping in between Tanner and me. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but you aren’t going to talk to MJ that way. Tanner, we care about you, and I know it’s hard to see past that anger that’s building up. You have to talk to someone, and if it’s not going to be us—then find someone, even if it’s someone your age. Have you been keeping track of your headaches?”
Tanner shakes his head. “I don’t need anyone, man, and my headaches are fine. Mind your own business.”
Spinning, he walks away. I step forward to stop him because I haven’t said all there is to say, but Hayes put his hand on my arm, stopping me. When I look up at him, he’s shaking his head. “Let him go.”
