Page 100 of From Ice to Home
“Yes,” I answer softly, firmly. “I failed you, but I’m not going to anymore.”
The moment settles between us. Heavy words spoken, now settling around us. She presses her hand to my chest before moving it down over my arm, down over my forearm, brushing her fingers against the ink of my tattoo.
“Seeing your tattoo settled something inside of me when I saw you in Vegas,” she murmurs, looking up at me. “That you’re still the same man I fell in love with. The same man who loves God and who follows Him in everything.”
I look down at the ink, breathing the words that’s been etched into my soul. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”
Hannah looks at me, finishing the line, her voice soft and sure. “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”
This time it’s me who can’t look at her. I haven’t done that since we got married. I’ve prayed and spoken to God, but I haven’t shared that with Hannah. We haven’t given our relationship to Him. Even in starting it, we bypassed the most important part.
“Sanders…” I swallow, looking down, not sure how to move forward. I just know that we need to fix this part of our marriage before we can even attempt to fix anything else. “Before we left Georgetown, your dad told me that we should read the Bible together, and that we should do it every night. And we haven’t done that. We haven’t even prayed together, and that’s on me.”
When I was younger, I thought this would be the easiest part of a relationship. With two people who love God, how could this not be? But since we’ve been here, since we got married, I found that spending time together in our faith is very hard to do. It’s something we’re going to have to be more intentional with.
Looking at the ring on her finger, I know what I have to do. “Let’s pray together, Hannah.”
She nods against my chest and suddenly, I feel a bit self-conscious.
We’ve prayed together before, but now it’s different. Now,I’m very aware of the fact that we’re husband and wife, coming before the Lord in a different way.
“Hannah, this is…” I swallow, praying that the Spirit will guide me in my words. “This is something that’s important to me. I’m not always very consistent when it comes to reading my Bible, but I pray every single day. Every single time before I step onto that ice, I thank God for where I am. I ask him to bless me and the game. I ask for His Hand of protection and that He will be glorified whether we win or lose, whether I mess up or shine.”
She looks at me with a small smile on her face as she places her hands either side of my face.
“Luke, I know you love Him. I’ve seen it when we were younger, and I’ve seen it while we’re here.” Her eyes soften as they flick across my face. “That’s one of the reasons why I love you.”
Hearing that comforts me and I press my forehead against hers, breathing her in.
“What I’m trying to say is that God is present in every part of my life, but I haven’t asked Him, or invited Him, into our marriage yet and I want to do that. I need to do that. Otherwise I don’t see how we’re going to make a success out of this, Sanders. I can’t be a husband without Him leading me.”
She nods, tears forming in her eyes. She drops her gaze and I give her a minute.
“I feel the same, Luke.” She sniffs, reaching back toward the bedside table to grab a tissue. She wipes her tears and clears her throat. “This is the right thing to do. We’ve been running around in circles, trying to do things on our own. That’s not how this goes, we both know that. I don’t know why we didn’t just do this from the very beginning.”
Somehow we allowed it to slip away from us.
“Can I pray for us?” I ask. She nods with a small smile.
Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I take her handsin my own. I stay quiet, still, letting the noise in my mind settle. I focus on that quiet place, the sacred space in my heart where I go to meet with my King. Moments pass and then I sense it.
The presence of God, thick and undeniable, settling over us like a holy covering.
His enormity fills the room.
His authority demands reverence.
His glory humble me to my core.
My chest tightens as the emotion rises, and before I know it, I’ve slipped from the bed onto the floor, onto my knees.
I can’t stay seated beside her. Not for this. Somehow, I know I need to go first. Not to shield her from God, but to take my place. To take responsibility. To stand as the one who is called to lead, to repent, to intercede. We’re not just two people side by side anymore. We are one flesh now. And in this moment, that truth matters more than ever.
I kneel not just for myself, but for both of us. I kneel for our marriage and for the covenant we made. For all the ways we’ve gotten it wrong and all the ways we’re still learning. I kneel because I need Him to see me first, to hold me accountable. Because if we’re going to do this right, it has to start here…with surrender.
“Most High, Almighty Lord of Hosts, Majesty and Savior,” I start, unable to keep the emotion from my voice. “Father, we come before you tonight not as two but as one. We know Father, we know, we moved without your blessing, and for that we ask for Your forgiveness and mercy. We know that You were with us when we said our vows. Because You are always there, You are always with us.”
I take a deep breath, my heart beating steadily inside my chest as the words are lifted from me.
