Page 61 of From Ice to Home
The lights are off, but the moonlight filters through the curtains, faint and soft. I know I have to get some rest. Tomorrow I have an early morning skating session before my usual pre-game prep starts. It’s Game 5 against the Leafs…if we win, we’re going to the finals.
Harry has been very generous in giving me the time to sort things out with Hannah. That’s not something anyone woulddo, especially this deep into the playoffs. The least I can do is give it my all. Every rep, every hour, every mental check-in counts. My team deserves this win, our coach and staff deserve it. I can’t afford to lose focus right now.
But as much as I try to clear my mind, I’m hyper aware of her.
Hannah shifts uncomfortably next to me, her foot brushing against mine before she quickly pulls it back. I’m pretty certain neither of us is asleep and if we don’t do something about it, the night is going to get too long.
“Are you alright?” I ask, my voice low, almost hesitant, not daring to look at her. I’m not sure which Hannah I’ll find next to me if I turn towards her. The shy and demure girl I got to know in high school, or the fiery, independent woman from Vegas.
Honestly, I’m more scared I’ll find the version of Hannah who is riddled with uncertainty, wanting to leave again.
God, please help me to navigate through Hannah’s uncertainty. Help me to trust that You have a plan and a purpose with both of us…together and apart.
The bed shifts next to me. “Am I keeping you awake?” she whispers back. “You should sleep—you have a game tomorrow.”
The fact that she’s worried about me sends warmth coursing through my chest. I turn onto my side, unable to keep from facing her, no matter the fear of her possibly wanting to leave.
But when I see her lying here, next to me in my bed, the part that felt a bit foreign quickly shifts into something that feels exactly right—like a puzzle piece clicking into place.
The moonlight outlines her features in a way that makes her seem otherworldly. Her green eyes are wide, as though she’s trying to take in every detail. Her lips, full and soft, draw my attention, the faint bow at the top making them look asthough they’re always prepared to smile. What I don’t see on her face is fear or uncertainty…and it sends comfort through me.
“I’m a bit nervous,” she admits after a pause. Her voice is so quiet I have to strain to hear it. “I’ve never really shared a bed with someone before. Well, unless you count Essie, but that’s very different.”
“Yes,” I take a deep breath. “It’s very different.”
Hannah has always been the picture of grace—ethereal, elegant, and innocent. That’s what drew me to her all those years ago. She’s goodness personified, a kind spirit tethering me to the better parts of myself.
“What’s wrong,” she asks, her brow furrowing in the faint light.
“Nothing,” I say, reaching out before I can stop myself. My thumb brushes against her forehead, smoothing out the frown. “Absolutely nothing. Everything is perfect, Sanders. You’re perfect.”
Her cheeks flush, a soft pink that only makes her more beautiful. She reaches for my hand, her fingers small and delicate as they thread through mine. When she brings our joined hands closer to her, I can’t resist. I lift them the rest of the way, pressing my lips to her knuckles in a gentle kiss.
“Luke,” she murmurs, her voice barely audible. There’s a hesitation in her tone, a question she’s not sure how to ask.
I tilt my head slightly. “Mm?”
She swallows, her green eyes meeting mine. “Would you…I mean, would it be okay if you kissed me?”
My heart hammers in my chest. The air between us seems to shift, growing heavier and lighter all at once.
Hannah’s green eyes dip to my mouth and she shifts slightly toward me. The space between us is shrinking fast as she draws me toward her. This is all new, and it’s something I do not want to mess up in any way. My lips touch hers, herscent enveloping me. I want to deepen the kiss, pull her into my arms and lose myself in her, but I know I can’t do that.
So, instead I pull away and watch her face, hoping she’s alright.
“Like that?” I ask.
The memory of Vegas is lingering between us, I’m sure she feels it too. We got swept up in the moment, in each other, in the intensity of the night and old feelings that flooded us all at once. The next morning when I woke up, finding her spot empty, it left me with an ache I hadn’t known was this deep…until this moment. Only now do I realize how deeply her leaving had marked me. Now, when we’re faced with the same choices, the weight feels different.
She nods, shifting closer and pressing another light kiss against my lips before snuggling into my chest. Her hands rest against me, and I wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer. She fits perfectly against me, like she was made to be here.
“I need you to be here when I wake up, Hannah,” I admit. The darkness and the fact that she’s not looking at me makes it easier to admit this. “I don’t ever want to wake up without you again.”
She shifts backward slightly, looking up at me. Her palm moves across my jaw, providing comfort and grounding me. Her green eyes search mine, her gaze filled with hesitation and resolve.
“At that moment, I thought I was doing the right thing. But now I see that it only hurt you…it hurt me too and I wish I could take it back.” She brushes her thumb along the stubble on my jaw, over my bottom lip. “I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to us. But I’m here now, Lucas. I’m staying.”
I kiss her thumb, then move closer, pressing my lips to her forehead.
