Page 17 of Love and Death
But I can’t.
The numbness that I’d allowed to settle over me when Cerberus left is gone, the sheer agony of the moment shocking me back to reality. I feel as if I’ve been ripped wide open, the physical pain nothing … nothing in comparison to the shattering of my heart as I’m finally forced to come to terms with everything that’s happened.
He’s gone.
Death …Sydianis gone, and it’s all my fault.
Pushing myself up unto my knees, I sit back on my heels and stare, unseeing, ahead.
My eyes blur with tears, my breaths becoming painfully sharp, as my mind fills with him. With memories of days spent together in his realm, of my gifted studio, the dresses, Knax … the tenderness in Sydian’s eyes.
His touch.
My heart screams in agony as I’m reminded of his every small kindness. Of the sheer lengths he’d go to just to see me smile.
He gave me everything, and yet, he never asked anything of me in return.
And what did I do?
I betrayed him at the first sign of trouble.
I repaid his kindness with distrust.
I thought he didn’t deserve me, but in the end, it was I who didn’t deserve him.
What a fool I’ve been. I am alive now,onlybecause he is not.
Closing my eyes, I throw back my head and scream into the nothingness, my heartache all too much to bear. Anything,anything, would be better than this.
I reach up to touch the mark.
Pain is all I deserve.
It’s just as excruciating as before, and I can feel my senses begin to pull away from me.
Stop.
Death’s voice rings out clearly in my mind, drawing me back from the edge of oblivion as my hand is startled away from my neck. My body continues to tremble as I glance around the room, half-expecting to see him step from the shadows.
But, of course, he doesn’t.
I am alone here … but, perhaps I don’t have to be.
Without giving myself a chance to think, I reach up and wrap my fingers around my throat again. Just as before, searing pain tears through me the moment I touch the scar, but I don’t care.
It works.
Enough, little one!
Again, his voice fills my mind just as I reach the edge of consciousness, but this time, I refuse to let go, even as I crumple forward in agony.
Curling up on the hard floor, I dig my fingers in harder, pushing myself to the brink of oblivion in aneffort to drown out the tempest raging within my heart. I can feel the life draining from me, everything that ties me to this existence slowly slipping away as I cling to the echo of his voice in my head.
Then, just when I think I won’t be able to survive much more of this self-inflected torment, my body goes limp, and my hand drops to the floor beside me.
I want to continue, to hear his voice once more, but I can’t. Numbness sweeps in, momentarily dulling the pain as shadows creep in around the edges of my vision.
Maybe, if I am lucky, these are the very same shadows that will finally carry me away from this place and back to him. Though I know this is impossible, a small smile still forms on my lips as the room fades to blissful nothingness …
