Page 86 of Laird of Flint
“Och. Aye.” She thought for a moment. “Then I could find out who ’tis by questionin’ Peris.”
“He’s going to wonder why. And eventually he’ll know you suspect him of something. He’s anxious and impulsive. If he tried to killme…”He let the sentence hang. The idea of Peris hurting Carenza was too awful to think about.
She scoffed. “He won’t touch a hair on my head. My father would…string him up by his ballocks.”
Hew choked back a laugh. He doubted the delicate maiden had ever voiced such a crude phrase aloud before. It amused him. It also flattered him that she felt safe enough with him to mince no words.
Still, it didn’t feel right, getting Carenza involved in such a perilous game. She didn’t understand the kind of men and the desperation she was dealing with. Hew did. He saw it every day, defending the border and keeping the peace.
“My lady,” he decided, “this is not like reiving a coo. This is thievery on a grand scale, perpetrated against the church. Those involved will be severely punished. Maybe even hanged. That kind of threat will drive a man to do unspeakable things.”
“I can look after myself,” she assured him. “Trust me. Peris wouldn’t hurt me.”
“You didn’t believe Peris would intentionally try to kill me either.”
“I do now.”
He shook his head. “I don’t like this. If something were to happen to you…”
“If somethin’ were to happen to me,” she said with irritating practicality, “ye’d go to Kildunan and take your vows, the same as before.”
That was the lie he’d told her. And to be honest, if something happened to her, he might decide to withdraw into the life of a monk and make his vow of chastity permanent. But that wasn’t the way he felt now.
“I couldn’t live if I lost you,” he murmured.
When her eyes widened, he realized he’d bared too much of his heart.
So he amended his words. “For a knight to lose the lady he’s supposed to protect is a disgrace.”
“I see,” she said softly, obviously injured by the retraction. “Well, no one said ye needed to protect me.”
He wanted to go to her then. To take her in his arms and hold her close. To swear to protect her with his life. Forever.
But knowing what he knew now about her feelings…how much she desired him…how she’d imagined his kiss and longed for more…
Protecting her now meant protecting her fromhim.From his impulsive and intense nature. From his powerful passion. From the haste with which the storm of his desires could build and grow and overwhelm a lass.
He had to keep her at arm’s length. Forget her seductive midnight confessions. Maintain a distance that would keep her honor intact.
He owed it to her father. He owed it to her.
“’Tis a knight’s duty to protect all women,” he told her.
Carenza’s heart sank.
“O’ course.”
She’d spilled her innermost secrets to Hew. Shared her darkest desires. They’d kept each other’s confidences. Saved each other’s lives.
Now he felt as cold as the depths of a loch.
Was she truly just “all women” to him? Did he have no feelings for her?
His nonchalance hurt her. Then it irritated her. Then it made her angry.
She wouldn’t let her anger show, of course. That was not the way a laird’s daughter behaved.
But she intended to prove to him she was one woman who didn’t need protecting.
