Page 75 of Laird of Smoke
She prayed once again.This time with more force.
“Almighty God, ye have the strength and the wisdom to perform miracles.Ye know the answer to all questions.Ye have the power to heal all ills.Prithee do not abandon this child in his innocence, this child who will one day be your faithful servant.Do not torment this devoted family by takin’ away the source o’ their joy and the lamb o’ their comfort.Prithee remove the Devil’s hand from the bairn’s throat, and breathe the Holy Spirit into him, in the name o’ Jesus Christ our Lord.Amen.”
Adam brought the small pot of hot water on a thick pad of linen.She flipped the bairn over on his belly along her forearm and draped the wet rag over his head and the steaming pot, trapping the mist beneath for him to breathe.
But she could feel nothing on her forearm.No movement at all.
Tears started in her eyes.And she suddenly realized with horror why it wasn’t working.Why God wouldn’t answer her prayers.
It was too late.She knew that.Yet in desperation, she offered one last silent entreaty.
Merciful Lord, prithee do not suffer this bairn to die for my sake.Forgive me all the sins that I have done, thought, and said.Send me cleanness of heart and purity of soul.Strengthen me with your might, that I may always withstand evil temptations.If ye will in your infinite mercy save this bairn, I vow I will live virtuously and love ye with all my heart, with all my might, and with all my soul, so that I may never offend ye, but ever follow your pleasure in will, word, thought, and deed, through Jesus Christ Thy Son.Amen.
Adam murmured gently, “M’lady, I think he’s gone.”
“Nay.”The word came out on a sob.“Nay, he can’t be.”
But she knew he was right.
And now she realized it was her fault.
She had forsaken her calling.Succumbed to earthly temptations.
And this was her punishment.
Tears rolled down her face, past her trembling chin.
Adam spoke softly.“Do ye want me to take him?”
She shook her head.She had one more task to do.Using the warm mint water to baptize the infant, she murmured the familiar words to bless him.
Then she took a moment to swallow down her grief and square her shoulders.
A nun’s purpose wasn’t only to heal the sick.When that wasn’t possible, it was her task to comfort the survivors.
She straightened and tenderly turned the bairn over, cradling him in her arms.
When she turned toward the bairns’ mother, the woman’s face crumbled with devastating knowledge.She clapped a hand over her mouth to filter the keening wail that erupted from her soul.
It took every bit of strength Eve had to walk toward the woman without collapsing in anguish.She handed the bairn carefully to his mother.
“I’m so sorry.”
She was supposed to say something philosophical, like “’twas God’s will” or “he’s in the Lord’s hands now.”But she didn’t have the heart to cheapen the woman’s grief with words that felt empty and inadequate to her pain.
Instead, Eve wrapped an arm around the woman and let her weep upon her shoulder.
Adam, closing the door for their privacy, began packing up the satchels.
After a while, the woman ceased crying enough to whimper, “The poor wee bairn didn’t even have a name.He was ne’er baptized.He’ll not be goin’ to heaven.”
“Aye, he will.I baptized him e’er he died with the water ye warmed.”She mustered a weak smile of reassurance.“I hope ye like the name Nael.It means ‘gift o’ God.’”
“Nael,” the woman repeated, holding the bairn close against her breast.Then she nodded in approval as a tear trickled down her cheek and onto the infant’s swaddling.
After making sure the woman could manage until Finlay returned, Eve and Adam departed in respectful silence.But as they rode along southward path for Strivelin, lost in their sorrow, they couldn’t seem to find a way to break that silence.So it continued all morn.
The thoughts in Eve’s head, however, clamored like warning bells, punishing her with insistent clanging.Telling her she had lost her way.Saying she was wicked.Wanton.Sinful.
