Page 48 of Hearts on the Table
No matter how much I wanted to, I was still coming down from that pins and needles feeling of her avoidance, and I wasn’t keen to repeat it.
“You sure about that?”
“Oh, yes.” She nodded solemnly. “I’m all over the place. Liable to hurt myself.”
I smiled despite myself. Ilikedher. “Lainey, you have no idea how much I want to get my hands all over your form, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea tonight.”
Her face fell for a split-second, before she caught it and gave me a tight smile. “Right. That’s fair. I haven’t been very nice to you this week.”
I caught her arm before she could back away. “Did you not hear me before? I’m still here for this. But I want to make sure you are, too.” I stroked up and down her arm. “You said you’re feeling overwhelmed. I don’t want to add to that.”
She bit her lip, looking down at the hand smoothing across her skin. I could hear her throat working as she swallowed.
“You’re very close to people. Your family. Santiago.”
“Hmm,” I agreed. She’d mentioned this before, but I wasn’t sure where she was going with it now.
“Being around you, seeing it all…I’m jealous.” The concept was laughable. Lainey Carmichael, genius surgeon who grew up with two butlers, jealous of me? Yet the look on her face said she was serious. “I’ve been thinking about something Katie said when she told me she was moving here. She said she was hoping we could, like, bury the hatchet. She said that if I’d ‘moved on,’ maybe we could have a ‘fresh start.’”
“Bullshit.” I didn’t need Lainey’s air quotes to know exactly what part of that had been Katie’s words.
Lainey’s mouth hitched. “Maybe. But then the more I thought about it, the more I realized I haven’t moved on at all.” She stared, unfocused, at my throat. Her laugh sounded hollow. “It’s kind of sad, really. I’m just existing here. I’ve been like that since I moved. I don’t have any friends in Chicago. No family. Just work.”
She shook her head, finally looking up at me. Pain flared in her eyes. “I don’t have close people, and you have so many. It comes so naturally to you, and I can’t even ask Rija out for tapas without it getting weird. I think they broke me.”
“Of course.”
Her lips pulled into a pout. “I didn’t actually want you to agree with that.”
“Lainey.” She came willingly when I pulled her close. She fit against me like a dream, smelling of vanilla when I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Of course they broke something inside you. You can’t go through that and come out the other side completely intact.”
Her head rocked against my sternum. “I don’t know that I’m fully on the other side.”
“That’s okay.”
“It’s not. It’s not okay. I’ve been stuck in the same place for years. You deserve someone who’s unstuck.” She put a few inches between us. “I want to be able to ask a friend out to dinner without it being weird or without freaking out that I’m getting too close to them.”
“Alright. You should do that, then. Maybe not everything all at once, though.” Her mouth trembled. My fingers glided down her cheek. “And in the meantime, don’t worry about me.” I’d waited this long to be with her. I could wait a while longer as she got her head on straight.
“Of course I’m going to worry about you. You’re basically the whole reason this is happening.” Her hands gripped my shirt, like she had in my kitchen that first night, and when we waited in line for barbecue. I liked it. It felt like she was sinking her hooks into me, worried I’d get away, and she couldn’t stand the thought.
“This feels like something. Doesn’t it?” Her hands clenched and unclenched in the fabric.
You have no idea, I wanted to tell her.This feels like everything. But I couldn’t say that. She was still on edge and I wouldn’t push her over. I settled for: “Yes.”
“I know. And I’m tired of keeping people at arm’s length.” She searched my face. “You make it seem like it’s worth the risk.”
Shelookedtired. I pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. “Sweetheart, you can keep me as close as you’d like.”
She sighed my name, leaning her head into my palm. It felt like a surrender.
“I won’t hurt you, Lainey. Ipromise.”
My lips whispered over hers like I was sealing the vow. Breath mingled. The hairs stood up on the back of my neck.
I teased her, flicking my tongue across her bottom lip, staying there even when she opened for me instantly. I’ddreamed about her mouth. That pouty bottom lip drove me insane, and I owed it to myself to fully indulge.
She wasn’t nearly as patient as me. Fisting hands tugged on my shirt until I pressed against her. Her frustrated little growl shot straight to my dick. I slipped between her teeth and the kiss turned a corner from teasing to full contact.
