Page 34 of Love.V2
“That’s incredible.” I tried to ignore the pride shining out of him. That wasn’t first date stuff, but it still made me feel warm inside. “Everyone deserves to love what they do. Being miserable at a job can wear you down.”
I cleared my throat, thrilled and cautious about the opening he’d given me.
“Do you? Love your job?”What exactly is going on with your career, Dylan?
It skirted the rules. A normal first-date question, layered with so many pieces of history and hurt, the subtext felt like it had stepped onto the table and started doing a striptease.
Dylan took a sip of water, a small line between his brows. “I used to. There are still things I like about it. I’ve realized recently that work isn’t everything. I’m in the process of re-prioritizing.”
My throat went dry. The next first date question, the follow-up, would have been something like,“What are you trying to prioritize more of?”
The answer, of course, echoed in Dylan’s face. Determination flashed across his features, then vanished.Me.
“Work-life balance is important.” A cop out. A cliché that kept us floating on the surface of the conversation, ignoring the twelve-year-old chasm underneath us. His eyes tightened at the corners, but in an instant, they smoothed. A slow smile unfurled.
“I agree. What else do you do, Tess? Outside of being a very important and talented creative professional?”
“You can hardly call me talented. You’ve never seen my work.” A bite of salad gave me a moment to think, to escape the close call of the conversational sand trap we’d almost fallen into.
“I think you’ll find I’m an uncanny judge of character.”
“Oh, yes, I’m sure you know more about me than I could ever imagine.”
His eyes creased for real this time. “Not nearly as much as I’d like. You mentioned your gym earlier.” His words were a purr, curling across the table towards me. “What else do you do forfun, Tess?”
The way he said it made his question seem indecent. Now I wasdefinitelythinking about last night. The feel of his hands on me. What could have happened if things had gone differently.
“I, um…” My mind blanked, and it took another few seconds of stuttering and searching for an answer before I realized…I didn’t have an answer. “Um…”
My routine consisted solely of the gym, my apartment, and work. I hardly even watched any new TV, opting to loop all my bingey comfort shows on rewind.
“You said you moved to the city a few months ago. What have you explored since you got here? Parks? Museums? As a recent transplant, myself, you have to tell me where the action is.” He stole the olives from the edge of my plate as he threw me a bone.
Could he see the dawning realization on my face as I discovered in real-time that I was the most boring person in the world?
“I haven’t…” That couldn’t be right, could it? I’d been here forsix monthsand I hadn’t been to a single museum? There were days I’dliterally begged Dylan to go to a new exhibit with me in Nashville, only to miss it when he, inevitably, backed out or couldn’t make time.
“You’re an artist, right? Working on anything in particular these days?” He was so nice. I was drowning, and he was tossing these conversation starters at me like life preservers. And I couldn’t grab them.
As they had been since last night, his words replayed through my mind.I’m a different person since I met you all those years ago.
I’d been tipping them around in my brain, tumbling them like river rocks over and over, thinking. Abruptly, the stark contrast between that first night at the frat house and this night hit me like a ton of bricks.
He wasn’t the only one who had changed.
“Tess?”
“I’m sorry. I’ve just realized I’m…I think I’m boring.” I could barely meet his eyes, but I saw enough of his face to see the quirk of his mouth.
“That’s impossible. You’re the least boring person I know.”
“I used to be.” I watched the people on the sidewalk pass the restaurant, painfully aware that they probably all had rich and meaningful lives, and I had…work. How depressing. I’d sworn to never get caught up in a relationship where I’d be second to someone’s job again. Only to realize now, I’d been putting myself second to my own. “I don’t know what happened. I work, go to the gym, and…that’s it. Even my TV shows are boring.”
“Youarestill new to the city. I’m sure it’s an adjustment…” Dylan trailed off as I shook my head. God, he was sonice, giving me chanceafter chance, excuse after excuse. Reasons to justify why my tiny, inconsequential life was as tiny and inconsequential as I’d let it become.
My mind cast back to those last years in Nashville. Had I been this lifeless then, too? I’d dragged myself to yoga every once in a while. Lexi had usually invited me for drinks every few weeks.
I’d told myself I needed to get out of town, that Dylan was the one weighing me down. He’d walled himself off in his corner office, and I’d beat my head against the door too many times. When I left, I’d thought I’d be happy again. Light and free.
