Page 71 of Love.V2
“I already texted Lainey. She’s off today, so she’s on her way.” Jas scooted her chair closer as the men retreated behind the counter in a flurry of cups and plates.
“I really only came for a workout,” I whispered. “You don’t have to bug Lainey.”
Failing at my jobandeverything with Dylanandimposing on these people who I hoped to call friends but worried I wasn’t close enoughto was too much. A tear dripped down my cheek as Jas rubbed slow circles across my back.
“You’re not bugging her. We’re your friends. We’re here for you.”
“Connor’s working, and I made you stick him with the baby,” I sniffled.
“He is that baby’s father. If he has a problem with holding his son, I have bigger issues than you do.”
“And Lainey is so busy, and she has Sam, and she doesn’t have time to come down here just because I’m sad.”
“…Okay, and?”
Jas’s reply caught me off guard. I blinked down at the wood grain in front of my nose. “And…Tiago and Jordan have other customers they need to focus on.”
“Uh huh. What else?”
“I…I don’t know you all that well,” I whispered, the tightness in my throat squeezing to the point of pain.
“Well enough for what, hun?” Jas’s hand kept up those slow, soothing circles across my shoulder blades. She was probably a really excellent mom.
“Enough for…this. To drop everything just because I’m…having a bad day.”
She was silent beside me for a moment, still stroking. “When did you learn you had to do everything on your own, Tess?”
My eyes met hers, and tears began streaming down my face. Because I’d learned I was on my own from the first minute I could comprehend it. Sometimes, it felt like I’d always been on my own.
And that thought, more than anything else that had happened today, or over the last month, or years, cut me so deep that everything I’d been holding onto, all the strands of anxiety winding me so tight, frayed loose.
Because I’d been alone before, but with Dylan, I’d thought maybe I didn’t have to be. I’d been wrong. He’d abandoned me for work, just like my dad abandoned me and Mom. Just like Mom abandoned me for the men and drugs and booze that ultimately killed her.
I was so tired of being alone.
“Okay.” Jas pulled me into her arms, hugging me close. A sob escaped my mouth. “We can work on that later, maybe.”
“Okay,” I whimpered, laying my head against her chest. She felt solid, but soft. Like I could fall apart on her and it would be okay. So I did.
***
“And all this has gone down over the course of, like, a month? Where the frack have I been?”
“Starting a new job, living it up with your hot new boyfriend,” I supplied. Eventually my tears had dried. Santiago had delivered a tray full of iced, caffeinated, carbonated, and alcoholic beverage options, and Jordan had presented a mammoth cheese board, complete with a heaping plate of his signature brownie bites. My favorite.
I loved Jordan.
I loved all these people. I wanted to shrink myself down and live in their pockets.
“Oh, that.” Lainey waved her hand casually, like those big life events didn’t matter, but her lips quirked up in a smirk. “It sounds like things were going well, though. With you and Dylan. And work? I’m just wondering if this is a fight or afight.” She arched her eyebrows on the last word.
I sighed, picking at the brownie in front of me. “The second one, I think. Everything was going so well, but…I don’t know. I guess we were still holding on to a lot from our past.”
“I have a question. And feel free to tell me to fuck off, but whydidn’the ever propose?” Santiago was taking a rare break, propping his feet up on a chair next to me and plowing through a salad and espresso.
“Tiago,” Jas warned.
“No, it’s a valid question. I mean, I know some people don’t want to get married. There are amazing couples who can live their whole lives together without involving a church or legal documentation. I’d understand if that was Dylan’s position, but…we always talked about it.” My stomach seized up when I remembered how I’d flung it in his face today. “We talked about it, but it never happened. It was always after this promotion, or after we settled into the house, or whatever. I thought he was putting it off because he wasn’t sure about us, but now I’m realizing it’s because I…”
