Page 71 of Psychotic Obsession
I want to ask him what happened between us. I want to know why I have a memory of us sleeping together, and it frightens me that an enormous part of me has no idea if that scares me or if it brings me relief.
One of the doctors comes in, pulling out his pen from his clipboard. "Ahh, you’re awake, Miss Miller. Can you both give us a minute?" He gestures to the door as Gabriella and Ewan give me one last look before leaving. "It's good to see you with a little warmth to your face. You’ve been quite pale." He smiles at me, tucking the clipboard under his arm. “How do you feel?”
“My head hurts.”
He pulls down the rails on each side of my bed, adjusting the speed of the IV drip. "You were dehydrated when you came in. We’ll let this run through your line and disconnect you," he says, bringing a chair closer and crossing his ankle over his knee. "Now, tell me what’s been going on.”
"Nothing." I don't know what else to say. In all honesty, the past few weeks have been strange. Right now, it seems to be the first time I've been able to think clearly enough to form a full sentence that isn't mumbled or rehearsed. “I don’t know. Everything is slow and fuzzy.”
"And how long have you been taking unprescribed Clozapine?"
"Clozapine?" I echo him, tilting my head in confusion. I narrow my eyes to slits to try to look at the paperwork. "What do you mean?"
"You had high levels of it in your system." He looks at me, placing his pen on his clipboard. "For someone who has no mental health issues, I'm deeply concerned, Aria. We’ve had a check over your heart, but we may need to do further scans to ensure there isn’t any swelling of your muscles. Your blood pressure was extremely low when you were brought in. It still is, but not in any way dangerous." He sighs. “Why were you taking it?”
“Are you sure it’s Clozapine?”
“We did a full blood panels yesterday, and you have a high level of it in your system. We will need to keep you admitted and monitored for a few more days.”
I gulp and nod, saying the word to myself.
Clozapine—one of the strongest forms of antipsychotic medication. It's used only when everything else fails for people with schizoaffective disorders and extreme levels of psychosis. So why the hell is it in my system?
My lips are moving, but no sound comes out, my heart plummeting while he stares at me. A few moments of silence follow, and I clear my throat. "I didn't...I didn't know I was?—"
“I understand.” He stands, noting something on his clipboard. “I’m going to go over your observations and let you get some more sleep.”
"Okay." I feel tingles crawling up the back of my neck, a cold sensation trailing down my cheeks as all the blood drains from my face. "Can I ask Ewan to come in?"
He nods, settling the paperwork on the seat next to him and getting Ewan's attention. "Take a seat."
With Ewan staring at me, I see him take in my pale face and watering eyes, giving me a tight smile. "Are you okay to sit with me?" I ask.
He agrees, resting his arms on the edge of the hospital bed as the doctor checks my temperature, my heart with hisstethoscope, my blood pressure, writing down the results. “Still low. I’ll get another IV bag sent in once this is done. I'll need to arrange an ultrasound to make sure the baby is okay.”
I choke on air, my hand gripping Ewan's with a harsh hold.
"Baby?"
"Hey,"Ewan groans, stretching from his slumber and looking around the room, then at me. "Have you just woken up?"
I nod and smile. "Just a minute ago.”
“You’re looking more alive. Do you still feel nauseous?”
I shake my head and twist the bedding in my fingers, looking down at my flat stomach and wondering how the hell a baby is in there.
“You didn't need to stay here with me."
He shrugs, standing and walking to the foot of the hospital bed while he stretches his arms above him. My eyes drag down the length of him, averting my gaze to the wall when he notices. "I don't mind. Jason's staying at your parents’ place for a few days anyway."
"I'm surprised they even showed up," I say, rolling my eyes and tucking my hair behind my ear. I look at him, chewing down on my bottom lip as I see how deflated he is. "Thank you."
"What for?"
I raise a shoulder, fighting back yet another flood of tears. "I...I just don't know why you're still here."
"I already told you, I don't mind," he replies, pulling his hat on to control his wavy brown hair.
