Page 82 of Psychotic Obsession
"I get it if you want to do this part yourself. I'll try to reply to some work emails and keep myself busy."
I play with my fingers on my lap, nervous, hating I'm doing all this on my own. "Can you...can you come in with me?" I ask, not taking my eyes off my hands. "I have a feeling it's going to be bad news, and I don't want to be on my own."
"I don't want you to get the wrong idea, Aria."
"I'm the one asking," I say, and he nods slowly. "I know this might be weird for you, so I get it if you don't want to. It's just..." I feel the words strangling in my throat as a lump begins to build. "I don't have a clue what I'm doing. And,God, I keep fucking crying.”
I wipe away the tears falling down my cheek, feeling Ewan's palm rest over my hand. "Hey, it'll be okay. I'm here for you. Same with Jason and Gabriella."
Watching the way this man looks at me, comforts me, breaks my heart.
"Have you ever tried?" I blurt, my vision hazy from the pools building in my eyes.
He tilts his head in confusion, pulling his hand away from me, leaning his elbow on the steering wheel and waiting for me to clarify.
"To find someone else?"
"Why does everyone think someone needs to be with someone? No, I haven't tried because I have no reason to. I know we are done; I really do, and that's my own fault. But the idea of being with someone else hasn't even crossed my mind, and I'm sorry I did that to you before. It's my biggest regret."
"Do you think I'm crazy? For wanting to keep it?"
He sighs, leaning forward and catching me off guard by tucking my hair behind my ear. The touch is so soft, so tender, that my eyes flutter shut. "Not at all. I know you're going to be a fucking awesome mum, and I'll be here for you both, no matter what."
"But Tobias is a... He… The baby might end up like him."
"Kids aren't defined by who their parents are, Aria. You should know that by now," he says, staring deeply into my eyes with a soft smile on his lips. "You're nothing like your mum, and thank fucking God for that."
I giggle, feeling some tension disappearing from around me. "Thank fucking God," I repeat his words. My smile falters, and I chew on my lip. "I'm just worried. Gabriella thinks I should lie and say it's not his."
"I don't think lying to him is a good idea, to be honest. I mean, you do whatever youfeel is right. But as a father, and someone who's had someone ripped away from me because of lies, and I know she's going to boot my balls for saying this, but I disagree with Gabriella."
"Even if they're a psychopath who kills people?"
"Debatable," he replies with sarcasm, his dimple showing as he drags his tattooed hand down his face. "Just don't let other people make decisions for you, okay? You do you, and I'll be here."
"Okay," I reply, fighting back the smile as tears start to fall again. "Will you come with me then?"
"Lead the way."
The waiting room is cool and bright, with lots of pregnant women with their bottles and cups of water, some smiling at me. I feel strange, as if I'm in the wrong place. I have no bump, and I might not even have a baby waiting to be seen on the scan. What if it was a false positive?
It makes me feel like I have a heaviness in my chest, slowly suffocating me while Ewan taps his hands on his lap.
Before, the idea of becoming a mother scared me. Sure, I helped raise Jason, the ultimate stepmom who devotes her life to him. I'm not blood-related, nor am I even with his dad anymore, but he’ll alwaysbe like a son to me. Sitting here now, with my hairs raising every time I see a happy couple, I fight back my tears and focus on my breathing.
"Aria Miller."
I hear someone call out my name, and I don't even give Ewan a chance to ask me if he should stay. I grab his hand, ignoring the little shocks in my palm as we walk into the room, my heart beating through my chest with such a force, I think I might pass out.
I should feel uncomfortable in this position, lying on my back while the midwife preps me. Ewan keeps his eyes on mine, giving me a tight-lipped smile. The scanner can’t see much, so she needs to do a transvaginal ultrasound. Nerves take over completely as I reach for Ewan’s hand and screw my eyes shut.
His thumb strokes over the top of my hand while she talks me through what she’s doing.
"Have you had any bleeding or cramping?" I shake my head as she prods me with the ultrasound stick, my eyes now fixed on the screen.
Ewan stays silent next to me, but I can see from the corner of my eye that he's intently watching too.
"Ahh," she starts after a few torturous minutes, moving the screen so I can see better, Ewan leaning into me to see too. "So here we have the sac, and right here…" She clicks something on the computer, making her screen turn different colours as a little blip appears.
