Page 30 of Falling Too Soon
“Love you, bitch. Drive safe,” Lexi said before we said our goodbyes.
After I hung up the phone, I rested my forehead on the steering wheel and took some more deep breaths. My mind was racing, but I was resolute in my decision to get back to Lexi’s. I needed time and space to figure out what I wanted, and unfortunately, that meant I couldn’t talk to Nathan right now.
As I sat there with my forehead on the steering wheel, I heard the sound of another car on the gravel in the lookout spot. I lifted my head and squinted through my puffy, tear-soaked eyes to see Nathan’s car pulling up behind me in the rear-view mirror.Shit.
Before I could think about putting the car into drive, Nathan was ripping my door open like a man possessed. “What the fuck, Daphne?” he boomed, looming above me with his chest heaving, arms braced across the opening of my door, caging me in.
“Hey,” I said weakly. The note I left him had said what I wanted him to know, but I couldn’t meet his eyes. I was not proud of how I left things, but I knew I had to leave without facing him, or I might not have had the strength to walk away from whatever this was or could be.
Nathan squatted down next to me and turned my face gently toward his. “Baby, look at me.”
Tears filled my eyes again as they met Nathan’s. “I’m so sorry,” I sobbed into his chest as he wrapped his strong armsaround me. I sat there in his arms and cried while he whispered sweet, comforting things like “It’s okay” and “I’ve got you.” Once I calmed down again, I pushed away from his chest to see the concerned look in his eyes. Great, now he thought I was fucking crazy. “I—” I started, but he interrupted me.
“Baby, listen to me. I fucked up. I let you think that this meant nothing to me. I said friends with benefits, but that’s not what I wanted. Not really.” He was rushing his words, trying to get it all out before I could interject. He put his hands on my face, forcing me to look at him. “I know this is crazy, but I have feelings for you that I didn’t expect, and I, I…fuck, I panicked. I thought it was too soon for both of us, but I couldn’t let you just leave the other day, so I said the only thing I could think of to get you to stay.” His eyes darted back and forth between mine, looking desperate.
If I were in a place to accept it, his heartfelt confession would have been the most romantic moment of my life. But, instead, it fell on deaf ears. I was in a panic to get out of there, not ready for this with anyone, no matter how much I wished I was. I covered his hands with my own and slowly lowered them from my face. I held his hands in mine, studying them for a moment, and then my gaze traveled up to meet his again. He looked so hopeful, yet hopeless at the same time. It probably would’ve broken my heart if my heart had been whole. But the truth was, my heart was already broken, and I needed to put it back together before I could open it up to him or anyone else.
“Nathan,” I started as a tear slipped out and down my cheek.
“Don’t, Daphne. Please don’t push me away. I know the timing is trash, but you can’t tell me you don’t feel this too. There’s something here, and I think it’s worth exploring.”
“I can’t. I’m not ready. My heart isn’t ready for you. Please let me go,” I sobbed. “I’m not saying never. I’m saying not right now.”
Nathan’s jaw clenched, and I could tell he was fighting the urge to argue with me. That alone was enough for me to reconsider, but I knew I had to hold firm. “Kitten, I will wait for you, but please don’t shut me out completely. I couldn’t bear it.”
“I need time, Nathan. I still haven’t fully recovered from my breakup. He really did a number on me, and then I met you, and my brain sort of short-circuited. You make it almost impossible to think straight. Has anyone ever told you that?” I chuckled.
“I can’t say I’ve heard that before, but I’m taking it as a compliment. And like I said, I’ll wait and I’ll give you time, but apparently, I’m not a very patient man when it comes to you.”
I gave him a small smile as I looked up at him through my damp lashes. Before I could blink, his lips crashed into mine. His kiss was ravenous and desperate and full of so many words left unsaid between us. I hoped our story wasn’t over, but I kissed him as if it were goodbye, anyway. When we separated, I was breathless and so turned on I was tempted to pull him into the car to fuck me one last time.But I knew that was not the move, and I had to get out of there before my whore of a vagina took over again.
“I’ve gotta go, Nathan,” I said with a pout. “Just give me some time, okay?”
“Okay,” he said as he reluctantly released me and stood back to his full height. “Will you please text me that you got home safe, at least?”
“I can do that. I promise.” I smiled up at him. He closed my door and gave me a small wave as I put the car in drive and started the drive back to reality.
27
NATHAN
Fuck.
28
DAPHNE
Iwas rethinking and second-guessing everything, especially my relationship with Marcus. I knew Marcus wasn’t my person, but he had my head so fucked up that I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Was any of it real? I replayed every moment of my time with Marcus and at the cabin with Nathan. The drive home felt like the longest of my life. Home. I didn’t have a home anymore, did I? The home I built with Marcus wasn’t mine. It was a lie. It was a placeholder. But for what?
When I did finally leave Marcus, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off me. Lexi had asked me why I stayed with him for so long, and I think it was because he made me believe I was the problem. I was the broken one who would leave perfectly fine relationships for “no reason” in the past, and so I made myself stay because he was so good at manipulating me into thinking I was the issue. But wasn’t I the issue? I just ran from what could possibly have been thebest man I had ever met. And for what? Because of the timing? Maybe I wasn’t cut out for relationships. Maybe I was destined to be alone.
When I arrived at Lexi’s place, she greeted me at the door the way she always did after a particularly hard day, with a hug and a glass of wine.
“Hey babe,” she said as she squeezed me tight. “You okay?”
“No,” I sobbed into her hair. “I am most definitely not okay.” I squeezed her back just as hard. Lexi and I had been friends for years after meeting when she came to work in my department at the hospital. We became fast friends and have seen each other through some pretty tough situations. I loved her like she was family. Fuck, shewasfamily.
I pulled myself away from her and wiped my face with my sleeve. I’m sure I looked like a total train wreck, but I didn’t care, and I knew Lexi didn’t care either. “I’m so glad you didn’t have to work tonight. I just needed some Lexi time,” I hiccuped.
