Page 4 of Falling Too Soon
“You’re right. I’m good,” I said as I shoved a few chips in my mouth. “I just can’t believe I did it.”
“Did what?” Amanda asked as she plopped down in the chair next to me and stole a chip from my bag. Amanda was one of the other nurses in the unit and around the same age as Lexi and me.
“She left Marcus last night,” Lexi responded with a little too much excitement.
“No fucking way.” Amanda’s eyes were wide as she snatched another chip. “Way to go. I’m proud of you. How’d he take it? Have you seen him today?”
“No, I haven’t seen him, and I don’t plan to. I’m actually trying to take a few days off and get out of town. I hope Jess lets me take some time off.”
“I can help cover for you,” Amanda replied. “I could use the extra shifts. I’m saving for a vacation myself.”
“Thanks, girl. I’ll let her know when I ask her later.” I pushed back from the table and stood. “I gotta get back out there.”
My assignment for the day was a single, ventilated patient with a traumatic brain injury and a few fractures from a motorcycle accident who had been in the ICU for a few days now. Since our lovely state didn’t have a helmet law, he was in pretty bad shape when he came in. Thankfully, he’d already come through the worst of it and we were just starting to wean him off his sedation.
“I’m back,” I said to Jamie, one of the resource nurses, as I approached the room.
“Not much to report. I changed your insulin drip and emptied the Foley. Everything is documented,” Jamie replied. “I’ll check back on ya later.” She gave me a wave and moved on to the next room.
My patient’s wife looked up and gave me a small smile from where she sat at her husband’s bedside. That’s where she’d been almost every minute of visiting hours since hewas admitted, holding his hand, telling him that she was there, letting him know everything would be okay. I think that was the hardest part of my job. It wasn’t the blood or dealing with death—it was the families. Seeing my patients’ families sobbing and struggling with their new normal was hard for me. I always imagined myself in their position…what was it like loving someone so much that you wished you could trade places with them? I shook that thought from my mind—I had work to do.
I walked into the room, stopped next to my patient’s wife and placed a hand on her shoulder. “How are you holding up?”
“I’ve been better.” She gave me another weak smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s my whole world.” A tear trailed down her cheek.
I reached for the box of tissues that were on the bedside table and offered her one. “I can only imagine what you’re going through.”
Taking care of the families was just as much a part of my job as taking care of the patients. There was a fine line when it came to offering reassurances, though. I couldn’t say things like “everything will be okay” or “he’ll pull through” because the truth of the matter was, I didn’t know if everything would be all right or if he would, in fact, pull through.
“I just keep thinking, what if he doesn’t wake up? What if he’s not the person I married when he does?” Another tear broke free.
I rubbed her back. “Just try to focus on the positives right now. His scans have improved and we’re weaning his sedation. That’s all good news.”
“You’re right. I’ll try.” She looked up at me with more unshed tears still in her eyes. “I think I’m going to go grab some coffee. I’ll be back in a little while.”
“Take your time. I’ll be here with him.” I gave her a reassuring squeeze as she stood.
“I know you will be, and I appreciate you so much.” She leaned down to kiss her husband and whispered, “I love you. I’ll be right back.”
She left and tears built behind my eyes, but I held them back and got back to work. I always had big feelings when dealing with family members, especially with my really sick patients. But I had to push those feelings aside and focus on the clinical side of my job. I saved my emotional breakdowns for my biweekly shower cries like a normal person. I needed to be strong at work and have a clear head.
The next coupleof days were a blur. We were so busy at work that I barely had time to eat, let alone think about my life and how much of a disaster it was. Caring for critically ill patients and their families could be my sole focus while at work. My patient did wake up and, thankfully, was neurologically the same man he had been before his accident. Physically, he still had a long road ahead of him,but he was stable and would hopefully be out of the ICU soon.
While I wouldn’t wish having to be in the ICU on anyone, I was thankful for the distraction from my life and that I hadn’t had any run-ins with Marcus. He was a urologist in the same hospital, but we rarely crossed paths throughout the day unless we did so intentionally for lunch or a quickie in an on-call room—not my finest moments, but hey, a girl has needs.
After those few hectic days at work, I was even more excited about my trip. I was more than ready for a break. Fortunately, Lexi and I had found the perfect cabin right on the lake. It was positively Instagram-worthy but also cost more than I would ordinarily spend. Sure, I kind of blew my load on it, but YOLO, right? I was even able to get time off from work without having to pitch a fit, which was unexpected but also very much appreciated. Word had gotten around about Marcus and me, and I think my manager felt bad for me. Whatever. I’d take it.
4
DAPHNE
The day before I was set to leave for my trip, I stopped by Marcus’s place while I knew he’d be at work and cleared out the rest of my things. I didn’t have much there since almost everything was already there when I moved in. All I had to pack was the rest of my clothes and a few things I had in the building storage area downstairs. I dropped everything off in a storage locker I had rented and then headed out on my week-long vacation to rest and regroup.
The drive to Lakeside was breathtaking. It was early October, and the leaves had just started to change. Red, orange, and yellow painted the landscape as I wound through hills and valleys on my way to my destination. Fall was my absolute favorite time of year. I loved everything about it—the cooler temperatures, the changing leaves, the availability of pumpkin spice everything. Lakeside was the perfect place to visit this time of year, boasting a quaintmain street lined with trees, photo-worthy shops, and a charming little bookstore that I couldn’t wait to check out.
I stopped by a market on the outskirts of town to grab the essentials—coffee, my favorite pumpkin spice creamer, wine, and a few snacks. I’d deal with getting real food tomorrow. At that moment, I just wanted to get to the cabin, start a fire in that cozy fireplace I had been eye-balling in the online photos, open a bottle of wine, and curl up with my book.
As I pulled onto the gravel drive that led to the cabin, I was taken aback by how gorgeous it was in real life. The A-frame cabin sat perched on the edge of the lake with a wall of windows looking out over it. The sun was setting behind the cabin—solar torches lined the driveway, and several exterior lights cast a warm glow. It was like looking at a postcard. At that moment, I definitely did not regret spending the extra money on this lakefront beauty. As I parked in front of the cabin, I noticed smoke coming from the chimney. Did the property manager come and start the fire for me? Wow, nice touch! I guess it pays to splurge.
