Page 47 of Sunset Tides
“I don’t know. Sad?”
Rob still had that devilish smile on his face. “Maybe Lillian isn’t the bursting type.”
“She is,” Lucy said firmly. “It seems like she never wants to talk about him. She seems…resigned to marrying him.”
“I thought you didn’t judge?”
“I’m not judging. It’s just what I see, and I’m worried.”
Rob thought on this for a moment before responding. “Change is hard for people. We’d much rather slowly ruin our lives than confront our demons.”
“Amen.” Lucy paused. “Wait, was that directed at me?”
He smiled. “No, you’re committed to change. Even to the point where it ruins your life.”
She nodded. “Thank you. That’s what I thought.”
Chapter Twenty-one
It was impossible to sleep that night. The apartment Rob had rented had become as bad as the office, except all of the noise came from within. The radiators rattled, the water heater zipped and whirred, and there was some impossible to find device that beeped every six to eleven hours.
Rob had started having trouble sleeping a few weeks ago, and now the exhaustion was becoming unbearable. He turned and fluffed his pillow, telling himself not to look at his watch. If he looked, he would do the math about how long he’d been lying awake. If he did the math, he’d only become more frustrated and stay awake longer.
He flipped over and pulled the blanket over his shoulder. It wasn’t cold, but sometimes making it cozier helped.
Rob laid there, eyes squeezed shut, and started counting. Sometimes if he counted up slowly, he could get himself to fall asleep.
One, two, three…
He got to four hundred before he stopped. It was pointless. The bed was perfectly comfortable, the temperature was fine. The problem was in his head.
The counting couldn’t solve the problem of his mind being far too awake. It was like once the lights flipped on, they wouldn’t shut off no matter what he did.
Tonight, as with most nights, it was a replay of snippets from the day – things he said, things he wished he’d said. His father, his mother, Claire, Lucy’s cruise ship dreams, the chef they’d left in Spain…
It was an erratic, pointless loop, almost manic at times. He tried to redirect his mind.
One, two, three…
Lucy had touched his arm. Had she meant to do it? She was sort of hitting him, not touching exactly. It wasn’t done in a nice way, but still. It could be considered flirting in some circles.
That would be…something. His mind spun at the idea. Could Lucy go from despising him to possibly almost liking him? What would it be like to take her on a date? What would it be like to kiss her?
And yet, if she heard about his idea to condemn The Grand Madrona, she wouldn’t be flirting with him. She wouldn’t pretend to hit him, either. She would probably attack him.
Yet Rick said they’d run into a roadblock. They were supposed to hear the final decision any day, and it didn’t look good for OSS. The hotel seemed like it’d be fine. OSS would move onto something else, and Lucy would never know about his stupid plan. She’d never hear about any of it, and maybe she’d take a new job in the city. He could take her to all of his favorite restaurants, and maybe to a comedy show? She’d like that. He was sure of it. He loved the way laughs burst out of her, and how her nose scrunched up when she was thinking hard about something…
Rob switched sides and started over.
One, two, three, four…
He shouldn’t have told her all that stuff about his dad. The stories were true, but they were a collection of his dad’s worst moments. He wasn’t a bad person. He was complicated, like everyone else. A focused man who had achieved a lot in life.
Rob’s dad had started with nothing. His own father had abandoned his family when he was young, and he’d stepped up and started working at a factory to help his mom and siblings.
A biographer could tell his story any way they wanted – they could paint him as a man who was a hero, working tirelessly for his family, or as a tyrant who didn’t allow imperfection.
In truth, he was both men. He’d given themeverythinggrowing up, and yes, he expected everything in return. He didn’t want his kids to be entitled, so he pushed them to be great.
