Page 94 of House of Roots and Ruin
“Nothing.” He looked away.
I tipped my head, trying to catch his gaze.
He pressed his lips together. “I’m so new at all this. I fear…I worry that I might come on too strong, too zealous.”
“Oh, Alex, no,” I started, then registered what he’d admitted. “You get nervous?”
He nodded and my heart swelled, touched by the vulnerability of his admission.
“I do too.” I set the palette and paintbrush aside. “I worry…all of the time.”
Alex’s eyebrows furrowed together. “About what?”
“That I’m going to do something to mess this up…to messusup. I don’t know what I’m doing—ever really—but especially with you. I don’t want to do the wrong thing and end up with you…unsatisfied.”
“Oh, Verity,” he murmured, his hand falling on mine. “That’s not possible. Never.”
“You say that, but…” I trailed off, thinking of Dauphine, of the hurt that had been in her eyes.
“I amnothinglike my father,” he said, guessing at the words I didn’t say. “I swear to you, here and now, you are it. You are everything. No one else in the world could ever steal me from you.” He cupped his hands over my cheeks. “I will never do anything to hurt you.” He pressed his lips to my forehead, sealing his promise with a kiss. “I will never stray.” Another kiss. “I would never want to.”
My insides squirmed, wondering if he would make such declarations if he fully knew me, if he fully knew what things crept into my vision, what things resided within my mind.
“I…I have a bit of a surprise for you,” he admitted.
“You do?”
He nodded and took my hands once more. “Come to the settee for a moment.”
“Oh.” I glanced at the paints, wondering if I ought to cover them.
“It won’t be long, but you might as well be comfortable,” he said, catching my worry. He drew me over to the tufted couch, letting me settle in before positioning his chair beside me. “I’ve been thinking about after the wedding.”
“After?” I echoed. Dauphine had me so focused on every detail for the day itself, I hadn’t given much thought to what came after.
“Most couples go away for a trip, a tour of the continent or to a little retreat, while their home is being readied for its new mistress.”
“Oh, of course.” Camille had been gone for nearly a month after marrying William. Mercy, Honor, and I had remained at Highmoor, looked after by our governess and Hanna.Only not,I reflected, my chest tightening as it always did when I thought of her.
Alex licked his lips. “But as far as homes go…we’re in a bit of a unique situation…because of me. There are several houses we could choose to start out in…until the day comes for us to move back to Chauntilalie.”
He said it with such certainty, and I wondered what that must feel like, to have so much of your life planned away and assured. Camille hadn’t grown up knowing she would become duchess. She’d been born fifth of twelve. Most of her childhood must have been like mine, wondering over what was in store forher, wondering where and how she would make her place in the world.
But Alex has always known. He was the heir. He would become the duke.
He chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Though…Father has said we’d be more than welcome to stay here, at Chauntilalie, for as long as we like….”
I swallowed, wanting to protest but unsure of how Alex would react. It sounded harsh and ungrateful but I had looked forward to a future without Dauphine planning every moment of my existence, one where I wouldn’t need to fear run-ins with Marguerite and her scowls. One without Gerard ferreting out my secrets like a bloodhound on the hunt.
“But I told him no,” he continued on, a look of worry crossing his face.
“You did?”
“I want us to have the chance to be us…away from them…away from everything, for a time.”
I reached out to cup his cheek, rubbing my thumb softly over his skin. It felt like the right thing to do and I was surprised at how naturally it happened, without the slightest bit of overthinking. “I’m so glad.”
“You are?”
